Suck in that gut and get ready to kick some morbidly obese butt, as you take your place as one of the four Teenage Mutant Ninja Girdles.
Yeah, you're fat. Yeah, you're only sixteen. Yeah, you have some ninja skills. And yeah, you're friggin' ugly, but there's no one better to rid the world of the scourge of overweight over-eaters than you and your three fat-fighting companions. It takes one to know one, and no one knows huge people and their habits better than you and your portly gang.
Welcome to the future, where food is scarce and everyone is scared that fat people will deplete the reserves and starve the world. So, you're called into action to rid the world of these feared fatties, while protecting your rotund identities with specially designed girdles.
You begin the game as a porcine teenager with average martial arts skills. Eating will help develop your skills, but it will also make you heavier, and that can be dangerous in this skinny-obsessed world. Keep in mind you also get to keep and eat the food you acquire from neutralizing the enemy. The only way you can conceal your rapidly expanding girth is with industrial girdles. You'll have to purchase new and stronger ones for each level. If you overexert yourself, you'll pop buttons until the entire contraption gives way and exposes your bloated belly and bottom to the very masses that you're trying to protect. That hungry mob will drag you down and gnaw on your stomach until there's nothing but stripped ribs and lungs left. That's a graphic scene that you don't want to see twice.
The control system is simple with only four moves: punch, kick, eat, and run. All of the moves are effective but if you lose the girdle, your stomach will render your legs and arms all but useless. You won't be able to punch or kick over your sheer mountainous mass.
The game is best played in the four-player cooperative mode. Play as any of the following four characters: Mike-ate-a-Angelo, Don't-a-tell-a, Lean-a-lard-o, and Ravioli. Graphically they look good enough to eat. The new WaveXXL engine makes their chubby legs look like jiggly jello, as the skin undulates with fatty, fleshy ripples as they run for their lives. The sound of their sweaty thighs slapping together is crisp and succulent. And when that girdle lets go, you're in for the biggest cartoon "boing" sound effect of your life. The tunes are heavy and tasty.
You'll be living large when you play Teenage Mutant Ninja Girdles.
CCC Senior Writer