Every few years the game industry reinvents
itself with another round of new consoles
for gamers to gawk, drool and argue
over. In less than a week some of you
will be parting with your hard earned
dough for Microsoft's Xbox 360. The
point of this Survival Guide is to help
you weather the inevitable firestorm
of opinions, insults, slags and altogether
downright nastiness on the newest console
to grace our hobby. As the doctor said
to my parents when I was born, "It's
going to get ugly folks".
poignant that the movie Chicken Little
is in theaters as gamers, industry pundits,
Pwned297 on some gaming message boards
and the fat know it all kid in school
will all be exclaiming "The sky
is falling!" when the Xbox 360
hits retail. I'm here to tell you to
relax. Among the sure things in life,
besides death and taxes, is the reality
that people are going to try and knock
the veritable piss out of a new system.
That's just the way it goes.
I'd be a bold faced liar if I told you
I wasn't pumped about the Xbox 360.
I'm not exactly thrilled with the launch
titles which is almost looking like
the video game equivalent of a Hollywood
Square's celebrity panel (on an "off"
day) due to the "been there, done
that" nature of quite a few of
the games, but that's to be expected.
In fact, that always happens.
case you're new to the "next generation
console" debut - perhaps you have
only recently become a diehard gamer
since the introduction of the current
gen systems in 2000-2001 - in which
case, let me show you the ropes so you
don't become confused, frightened or
too greatly disappointed. It will all
work out in the wash soon enough.
is what is going to go down soon after
the launch of the Xbox 360 or as I like
to call it: "How To Survive The
Xbox 360 Launch"
titles won't score incredibly high
on many game reviewers lists due to
most games not being much further
ahead than what we're already used
to. At the very least don't expect
too many 10 out 10's and 5 out of
5's. Don't even get your hopes up
for 8's and 9's. This is normal as
there is always an adjustment period
for game developers to become comfortable
with the new hardware. Don't go in
expecting the jump from Super Mario
World to Super Mario 64. Not going
to happen. In fact, I'm almost certain
something as significant as the technological
leap from 2D to 3D will never happen
regards to review scores, the opposite
is also true. Some reviewers will
score too high due to their excitement
surrounding the new system.
boards will be abuzz with trash talk
due to the low scores of the launch
titles, sounding the death knell for
Microsoft's new system - pissing off
early adoptees of the Xbox 360.
of the criticism will be justified,
some of it will be trolling and some
of it will be from disappointed gamers
who really want Xbox 360's but can't
get one, so instead they lash out
and try to rain on the early adopters
owners who haven't upgraded to the
new system may also turn into willing
participants in the Xbox 360 bashing.
Look at it this way - anyone confident
enough in their own decisions doesn't
need to bad mouth others choices.
It's as simple as that and it works
who actually have Xbox 360's will
hotly debate how great the system
is - some to the death - because they
need to justify their inve$tment.
See "pride" under the 7
Deadly Sins. This behavior is also
normal; it's not very respectable
but alas we're all only human.
the PS2 launched I wasn't impressed
with any of the titles and I wasn't
the only one feeling this way. Most
of the games were pure unadulterated
garbage. Review ratings were dismal.
People were saying the PS2 was dead
before it even started...all sorts
of ridiculous things. A few months
later when some quality software was
released, everyone shut their mouths.
Those who badmouthed the PS2 were
now investing in them or wishing they
the Xbox launched it was almost the
same experience, except that PGR2
and Halo managed to make a pretty
huge impression. Anyone remember Fuzion
Frenzy? Cel Damage? How about that
big ass controller?
titles will be announced for the 360
but will years away from release.
Halo 3 anyone? If Halo 3 manages to
arrive on store shelves at the same
time as the PS3, I'll eat my words.
Literally. I will print this page
out and actually eat that sentence,
on video for your twisted enjoyment.
an extended warranty for your
system. I know, I know....but since
this last generation of consoles turned
out to house some of the crappiest
electronics in existence, buy yourself
some peace of mind. I'm not taking
a chance as I no longer trust any
huge electronics company thanks to
2 PS2s, 2, Xboxs and 2 GameCubes (the
GC was my wife's fault as she dropped
it). Who knows, maybe this Xbox 360
has this years equivalent of the original
Xbox's Thompson drive....shudder.
you do buy an Xbox 360 and a plethora
of game titles and accessories, please
park as close to the door as possible!
There WILL be incidents of violence
again - there always is. Don't be
a victim. Go in a group if you can.
Also don't go to pick up your system
by bus or subway. You're just asking
for trouble. If you do happen to get
robbed, just let it go. Don't fight
back and end up injured or dead. It's
not worth your life. Look at this
way, at least you'll be around for
the PS3 launch...a little wiser perhaps.
the Xbox 360 will be the "hot
toy" this year, expect shortages
and people paying through the nose
for it. If you have one or two systems
to sell, expect to make a decent killing
you are going to buy a system on eBay
make sure that you're not getting
scammed. Hot ticket items like the
Xbox 360 are targets for scammers.
Even people with spotless feedback
ratings are starting to get in on
the scams. Buyer beware! Demand to
see a photo of the goods along with
a newspaper clearly showing the date
(make sure the photo hasn't been Photoshopped!)
E3 Microsoft and other third party
developers will unveil Xbox 360 titles
for the Fall that will make your eyes
pop out of your head. Developers will
have had more time to know the development
kits and will be churning out games
in a year or so that will really take
advantage of the next gen architecture.
yourself for rounds 2 and 3, when
the Nintendo Revolution and Sony PS3
are released and remember that everything
on this list applies to those systems
and launches as well.
the launch of the Xbox 360 will be a
distant memory and you'll be playing
games that you think are actually worthy
of being on a next gen system. For those
early adopters of the Xbox 360 who will
be purchasing the system on launch day
(and up until the price drops significantly)
I salute you. You are the unsung heroes
of the gaming world. You take the financial
bullet right between the eyes so that
others may pay less for the same system
down the road.
you need some extra assistance in convincing
your parents or guardians that the Xbox
360 isn't that expensive, all
you have to do is read this article
and catch your mom or dad admitting
that they once owned Pong, Atari, Colecovision
or Intellivision. Trust me you'll want
this information in your corner!
go....it's an exciting time to be a
gamer whether you're an Xbox 360 enthusiast
or not. Anything that generates a positive
vibe to the gaming industry is a good
thing for all gamers as it perpetuates
the hobby that we all love.