A Dark Soul Given Light (Devil May Cry)
Trish's betrayal isn't exactly surprising. She's a super-powered being who attacks Dante almost out of the gate, looks exactly like his late mother, and has a job for him in a distant, isolated locale. Really, the half-demon should have known better, but his misplaced trust comes through when, in his confrontation with Mundus, she steps in and saves his life, seemingly in exchange for her own. What follows is one of the most infamously bad lines of dialogue ever, in which Dante screams, "I should have been the one to fill your dark soul with light!" Keep in mind, this woman looks exactly like his mother, adding an unsavory oedipal tone to the whole of the proceedings.
The Kiss that Wasn't (Knights of the Old Republic)
Knights of the Old Republic was BioWare's first console-based RPG and, to this day, stands as one of its greatest. It is perhaps the single best Star Wars game ever made, and much of that has to do with the characterization of the player's party, including Bastila Shan. Bastila is a male player's love interest, though (given that both are Jedi) their romance is strictly forbidden. The two share a powerful bond, though, which begins to evolve into far more through conversation until, finally, it culminates in a moment in which Bastila can no longer control herself and demands that the player kiss her. The screen then fades to black.
When it fades back in, nothing has changed, Bastila merely commenting on how wrong what she has just done is, according to the Jedi code. It's weak specifically because there was such a great build-up to the relationship itself that to have absolutely no payoff is almost insulting.
The Laughing, Oh God, the Laughing (Final Fantasy X )
It becomes apparent fairly soon after Tidus first meets Yuna that he wants to put the moves on the elegant summoner. Whether she's just looking for a friend or confidante in him is unclear at first, but the two have one of their first private moments when Tidus is feeling down and Yuna tries to cheer him up by having him force himself to smile. This itself isn't so bad, but she then encourages him to laugh out loud. Keep in mind that, unlike all previous Final Fantasy games, Final Fantasy X was voice acted. Tidus belts out one of the worst, most ear-gratingly bad laughs of all time, and Yuna, once she joins in, isn't any better. They sound like a pair of dying chickens. The only consolation? It sounds even worse in the Japanese version.
Elise (Sonic the Hedgehog)
Look, there is an incredibly vast spectrum of sexuality out there, no doubt. People have fetishes that run the gamut and that's fine and dandy, even the ones that cause individuals to envision themselves as primal creatures and enjoy their private time that way. I just have no desire to see an iconic character (an iconic children's character, mind you) like Sonic get dragged into it. He has a hedgehog love interest already—Amy Rose. He did not need a makeout scene with a human girl, too (he probably didn't need a makeout scene, period). The PlayStation 3 and Xbox 360 version of Sonic The Hedgehog was terrible on many levels, even borderline unplayable, but it's the kiss between Elise and Sonic that takes it from "Ugh" all the way to "Oh God."
Arianna (Don't Take It Personally, Babe, It Just Ain't Your Story)
One of Christine Love's post-Digital projects, Don't Take It Personally is the only one she has released thus far that gives the player's avatar a set voice and gender. He is Jonathan Rook who, twice-divorced and undergoing a midlife crisis, has made a drastic career shift to become a high school teacher. One of his students, Arianna, develops a crush on him. Keep in mind: Jonathan is 38. Arianna is not even half his age. Also keep in mind that he has full access to the social network these kids use, including the ability to read all of their private messages and, as such, is fully aware of Arianna's intentions before she even approaches him. You can choose to reciprocate, and the resulting art, though not overly sexual, is appropriately creepy given the context. This is less a case of "what were the developer's thinking?" and more one of, "Why would you make this choice, player?"
Date: August 31, 2012
*The views expressed within this article are solely the opinion of the author and do not express the views held by Cheat Code Central. This week's is also purely a work of fiction*