Every year, mothers around the world get exactly one day off from their children's loathsome behavior. Sure, as kids it often seems like mom's sole purpose is to make life miserable, and perhaps it is. But let's be honest; very few earthly unpleasantries rival a teenager's delirious hatred for his or her parents. So, society has rightly set aside the second Sunday in May for Mothers to put their feet up and reminisce about their childless past.
But even as we prepare to celebrate Mother's Day, I can't help but feel a certain amount of dishonesty. I mean, even though I'm planning to take my mom out for a fancy dinner and pretend to be a considerate child, I'm probably just going to be thinking about video games the entire time—and don't act like your shindig is going to be any different. So, in an effort to pilot our minds away from those precious video games and toward our well-deserving mothers, I will try ease us through the transition by taking a look at some of the best and worst mothers in video game history.
Either way, it's only one day. We'll get through it together.
Sophitia Alexandra (SoulCalibur series)
For obvious reasons, adolescent boys all over the world will probably agree that Sophitia is a pretty excellent mother. Though, if I were a teenager, I would actually prefer that she be a friend's mom.
Aside from being easy on the eyes, her narrative paints her as being a particularly motherly character. She's consistently tormented by the fear that she's abandoning her children, and the knowledge that staying would mean putting them in harm's way.
Either way, her children were obviously very well-fed.
Animal Crossing Mom (Animal Crossing)
Even though your Animal Crossing mother never actually makes an appearance, she manages to be one of the most lovable characters in video game history. I mean, after an overwhelming day of picking weeds and planting fruit, mom's letters are often the only thing between you and a bottle of sleeping pills.
Her little missives always gave me a strange insight into a life that I don't remember leading, but obviously did. She also typically manages to compliment me on my cuteness, and that perks my spirits.
Mother Brain (Metroid)
I know that this might seem like a stretch, considering that we don't really know if she had any children, but Metroid's Mother Brain certainly is the most malevolent mother on this list. In four of the twelve Metroid titles, Mother Brain is the rocket-shooting, laser-beaming antagonist that Samus is trying to polish off.
However, not much can be said about her maternal qualities. All we really know is that she's particularly homicidal, and sometimes dresses up like a Tyrannosaurus.
Ash's Mom (Pokémon)
I'm just going to come out and say this: Everyone's favorite trainer of Pokémon had an absentee—and probably alcoholic—mother. No amount of laziness could explain the decision to allow her prepubescent son to wander into a dark forest chasing a pointless career in Pokémon collection.
Plus, the fact that no one knows the name of Ash's father brings up other important questions. Was Ash actually trying to catch them all? Or are the Pokémon just a metaphor for a lost childhood and an excuse to search for his missing father.
Leisure Suit Larry's Mom (Leisure Suit Larry 2: Larry goes Looking for Love [In Several Wrong Places])
In the prelude to LSL2, we're told that Larry is 38, living with his mother, and uncontrollably depressed. So, what does his mother do? Kicks him out of the house and buys a singles condo in Florida. She doesn't even attempt to care for him, or encourage him to see a therapist. Nope, she airdrops him into a life filled with white suits, gold chains, and debauchery. That's mother of the year material, right there.
I think it's safe to assume that anyone who worked on the Leisure Suit Larry franchise probably had some unresolved mommy issues of their own.
So if you're having a hard time giving your mom the consideration she deserves this Sunday, just remember: she hasn't shot any missiles at your face recently. Also, you're probably a terrible person.
Date: May 12, 2012
*The views expressed within this article are solely the opinion of the author and do not express the views held by Cheat Code Central.*