CCC Best of 2006

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Best Game By System Awards

Best Game By System Awards

PS2 | PS3 | Xbox | X360 | Cube | Wii | PSP | DS | PC

he video game system you consider to be your favorite, actually tells quite a bit about the person you are. It's not an exact science and isn't nearly as accurate as astrology, teacup leaf reading, Ouija board, horoscopes or taking a wild guess, but it can still be used as an effective profiling tool.

Check out our profiles below and see if we're not at least 17% right on the money!*

Your Favorite System Reveals Your Personality (Defects)!

PlayStation 2: You are a teenager (or soon will be) living with your parents. You have at least one sibling but you haven't been educated to the point of knowing what a 'sibling' is due to ineffective parenting and the lackluster state of our educational institutions. A 'sibling' is a brother or a sister. You generally play games meant for older gamers because those who supply you with purchased or rented games don't understand what the big letters on the cover like M or T are for. Your favorite game is either Final Fantasy or Grand Theft Auto. You frequent video game forum boards and in an attempt to project an older image you litter your posts with obscenities but numerous spelling and grammatical errors and the fact that you have Naruto pj's, aren't fooling anyone.

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PlayStation 3: You are either under 15 or over 18. If you are under 15 and consider the PS3 your favorite console, you are a materialistic numbnutz who hasn't yet realized that the shiny, expensive new toy someone in your life paid a couple of grand for, really only has one marginally decent game for it. If you are over 18 and consider the PS3 your fave, you are probably involved in a variety of illegal activities and your money has the stench of crime and evil on it. If neither of these two profiles describe you, perhaps you are someone who got up really, really early, waited hours in line out in the cold and pre-ordered a PS3. But if we asked your friends, they'd probably admit that they think you're a materialistic numbnutz with the lingering but unmistakable odor of evil money. Ha! We knew it!

Xbox: If you consider the Xbox your favorite system you have self-esteem issues. You're hanging onto the past - as soon as Microsoft released the X360, you were totally abandoned - hate to break it to you. That's why there hasn't been any good Xbox games in, like a year. But you continue to have faith that Microsoft will still support your system of choice like Linus waiting for the Great Pumpkin. You might even foolishly believe that Halo 3 will appear on the Xbox first. The only decent thing that will appear on the Xbox before the Xbox 360 is perhaps a full can of Coke, when you realize that the big fat green circle on that big fat doorstop holds a beverage better than it plays games. Time to upgrade dude.

GameCube: Where do we begin? If you received a GameCube in 2006, specifically in the last month and consider it your favorite, your parents either hate you or have absolutely no access to the outside world. Nintendo released a new system this year! Turn on CNN or FoxNews...look at a Wal-Mart flyer. Heck they're even talking about it in church! Maybe you just really wanted to play the new Link game and run around like a fairy in a green tunic while petting a pretty horsey and not talking, but you could have done that on the Wii. Sure the GC has a backlog of about 2 worthwhile titles like BMXXX and some other game, the name of which escapes us right now, but clearly you've been hosed. Big Time. Oh look...Happy Feet for the Cube. Yaaaaaaaaaay!

Wii: If you think the Wii is "all that" you're either crazy or over 70 - or most likely both. You just spent $300 on a remote and a game system that plays crappy old games made 20 years ago that you couldn't sell at your last garage sale. Not that you'd ever be smart enough to actually hook up the Wii to the internet to download these solid gold turds, since Nintendo has made it virtually impossible to connect. Do you know why that is? We have it on good authority that Nintendo just found out about the Internet in October. Seriously! Want to know how old school the Wii technology actually is? You can unhook the sensor bar and replace it with two candles and the system will still function perfectly. Cavemen could have invented the darn thing.... if they had figured out how to make fire first. Have fun playing Pong....I mean, Wii Tennis.

Sony PSP: If you consider the PSP to be the 'be all and end all' of game systems, you are between the ages of 'dumb' and 'dangerously stupid". Most likely you're the youngest child, content with getting hand-me-downs that barely fit, are faded, tattered and torn and are shadows of their former selves... just like PSP ports of real games. Don't get us wrong, the PSP is great for all kinds of things - watching movies, surfing the net, downloading all sorts of illegal stuff, hacking into the Pentagon...but playing games ain't one of them. The only game we found to be the most fun is the one built into the PSP. You know, the "Count the dead pixels on the PSP screen today" game. That never gets old.

DS: Nintendo really found a niche target market for the DS - one we affectionately refer to as "little stupid diaper babies who still pee their pants". I guess the Big N decided it was time to steal away some of the Fisher Price customers. I'm sure you feel like a 'grown up' using your stylus and acting all big while you hustle Mario's plumber's crack to the flagpole or attempt to get your moronic and seemingly deaf and dumb Nintendog's attention for the millionth time. If you think the DS makes you look more mature, why do adults avoid this thing like the plague? Because it makes us look stupid! Take the hint. Maybe your diaper's a little too tight, but we're telling you - lose the DS and gain some credibility. Even the LeapPad is cooler than that thing.

PC: NERD!!!! Have fun playing your Role Playing Game...NERD! Or how about your Real Time Strategy game...NERD!! Upgrade your graphics card and install a nerdier one, NERD!!! Why don't you Ping your nerdiness and see how fast the nerd molecules come back to nest in your PC? Oh, you think because you can play weekend daddy's FPS that you're all cool now, but there is nothing nerdier than a nerd playing someone else's FPS game, while he's taking a break from casting a bunch of fruity Gandolf spells in Lord of the Nerds. You make us sick. Quick, log into your favorite message board and draw some nerd magic from the other equally freakish large-adam's appled goofs! Here's a little test: If you've ever wondered, even for a millisecond, if someone from Star Wars could beat up someone from Lord of the Rings, you're a waste of space, a drain on your parents and a hopeless geekwad.

Now without any more time wasting, let's dive head first into the System awards!

*Please note: We're just having fun. These aren't meant to be taken seriously, with the exception of the PC profile. That stands.

 

PS2 Game of the Year

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