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It
is advised that you do not let any fictional characters
such as Thing from the Addams Family (pictured
at left) plug in your GameCube system. These delightful,
but mythical creatures should not be given the
added responsibilty of applying electricity conducting
metal prongs to 110 V circuitry. |
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Balancing
a screwdriver on your index finger in front of
the GameCube may result in the GameCube experiencing
feelings of inadequacy as it has no limbs or digits
of it's own to reproduce the trick. We strongly
advise that you do not tease your game system
or make it feel "less than human". |
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If
any of the GameCube mini discs try to engage you
in conversation, politely decline or say (firmly
in a deep, angry tone of voice) "No comment!".
If it continues to talk, unplug the game system
from the wall, and empty an entire chamber of
bullets from a 38 in it's upper casing while screaming
"DIE!" |
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Do
not vibrate your molecules at a faster frequency
rate than is humanly possible. This may cause
your GameCube to exist in many different realities
at once, accidentally causing the implosion of
the universe. Or it may open the portal to the
4th or 5th dimension, which is a very bad thing. |
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If
you are bitten by a radioactive GameCube controller
and consequently take on the proportionate strength
of the device, make a fancy suit, ignore the thug
that will eventually kill your uncle, vow to serve
justice and get a whole bunch of oneliners ready
while you fight evil at every turn. |
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If
you have no choice but to jump out of a crashing
airplane do not mistake the GameCube or any of
it's peripherals for a parachute. When falling
from any height, the GameCube will not slow your
descent, in fact quite the opposite is true. Just
look at our sales charts and you'll see how fast
this thing brings our company down. |
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Game
systems do NOT function vertically. Although
Sony has stated that the PS2 will function vertically,
thousands of PS2's are experiencing disc read
errors and the price to the consumer after warranty
is $200. On second thought, the GameCube WILL
function if placed vertically, so go ahead and
ignore the picture...it'll be fine. Honest...
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If
you create a magical snowman that comes to life
and you want to protect if from a heater, simply
move it outside into the cold, rather than place
your GameCube system to act as a shield so that
your snowman friend won't melt causing it to go
back to hell, from whence it came. |
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If
any of Spider-Man's deadliest foes are over
at your house, such as Electro or the Shocker,
do not let them place their hands inside the
game machine. This may cause heartfailure to
the tiny little mouse that is running in the
wheel which is the GameCube's central processing
unit or CPU.
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Scientists
are discovering that electronic devices, if left
alone in the same room, will try and dominate
each other. If you leave your purple GameCube
in a room with a kick ass 43" TV or Retro
looking radio, it will have no choice but to become
their "bitch". |
