GAMECUBE WARNINGS #3
Never ones to milk a gag, here is the third installment of insane GameCube warnings. The pictures are right out of the Japanese GameCube manual. The accompanying text is from us.
 
  Corporal punishment acted out in the form of a spanking on your GameCube controller will not be tolerated. The GC controller is a sensitive electronic device, with more feelings than your Uncle George. If you are having trouble playing a GC game, may we suggest starting with our NES machine and working your way up.
  Please do not play Tic-Tac-Toe in the pages of this GameCube manual. If you do, certain important warnings may be omitted from visual recognition which may result in loss of limb, bad breath, a visit from a fat ex-con or death (or perhaps all of the above). Don't say we didn't warn you.
  If you are able to bend your GameCube disk (shown actual size) like in the picture, may we suggest you trace your roots. You may discover that you were rocketed here from a dying planet and have gained tremendous strength and powers from our yellow sun, while living on our planet.
  If your controller starts to shake by itself when no one is using it, that may be a sign of poltergeist activity in your home. You may also experience your kitchen chairs arranged in a pyramid or a horribly disfigured apparition staring back at you in the mirror. In either case, buy Luigi's Mansion! It won't get rid of the undead, but it will pass the time until demons kill you and your family.
  From time to time, the GameCube will excrete a long rectangular stool with a tape worm attached to it. This is common. If this is the case, simply wipe the posterior of the GameCube with a double ply quilted toilet tissue and try not to panic or become unglued. Think back to all the times Godzilla ravaged our beloved Tokyo and find your courage to continue living.
  Many game devices today offer extras like a DVD player. The GameCube isn't an entertainment device, it's a money maker! And now yours can be too with our coin collecting piggy bank option. Simply open the lid, deposit your change and the GameCube will greedily lap it up. When you want your money back, simply bust open the Cube with a hammer.
 

If you purchase the ACME Super-powered Magnet (good for catching RoadRunners) it may cause the GameCube or other electronic devices such as Nuclear defense systems, airplanes or can openers to function improperly. The ACME magnet affects all these devices within a 5000 mile radius, so be careful.

  If you remove the black circular lid on the GameCube, a poisonous gas will be released killing all those present. Software piracy is the number one reason why the old man that runs this company with an iron boot, isn't as rich as he thinks he is. It was his idea about the gas. We think he's losing it. Shhhh...
 

The GameCube will not accept vinyl records that your dad left out in the sun back in the 60's when he was on some freaky acid trip, so don't even bother trying. Any moron can tell that 33RPM LP's cannot be played in the GameCube unless you buy the optional GameCube Record Needle ($3000 yen).

  For games that aren't working anymore, purchase our optional GameCube Refuse Disposal Unit. It looks like a GameCube, but it will mash your game disks into a radioactive paste that you can use to shorten your life span with. Comes in Indigo, Jet Black, Orange and Glowing Green Death.