Game Characters We Want For President!
As the presidential race heats up, we can't help but think that some video game characters would be better suited for the role than any of the current candidates. Here are the top ten. And yes, we resisted the temptation to include the drunk chicken from Fable III (though we would totally watch that State of the Union speech).
This is probably the most obvious choice on this list. Not only does Commander Shepard demonstrate amazing courage through the Mass Effect trilogy, but he learns the fine arts of diplomacy and negotiation. His firm command of affairs throughout the galaxy—not to mention how carefully he has to navigate his conversations if he wants more than one sex partner—makes him the perfect president.
The coin blocks from Super Mario Bros.
Our leaders can't quite decide whether they should raise taxes, cut spending, do a little of both, or just give up and go bankrupt already. With an unending supply of coin, we wouldn't have to choose—so long as we could find a fat plumber to bump his head into our new president's bottom every once in a while. Okay, that came out wrong.
Patricia Caldwell (Splinter Cell: Conviction)
In Splinter Cell: Conviction, Patricia Caldwell is the first female president, and she was elected on a platform of non-interventionism. But just as important, she proves herself to be a total badass in the game's final scene.
By the time Sam Fisher confronts his arch-nemesis in the Oval Office, some terrorists are holding the president hostage. Not only does Caldwell keep her cool, but once Fisher has the situation under control and some American soldiers break in, Caldwell decides to give Fisher some private time with the bad guy. "Thank you for rescuing me," she tells the soldiers. "Now I don’t see anyone else here but us, and I’m sure you don’t either."
She and the soldiers then leave so Fisher can exact his revenge.
Sure, his views on women's rights might be a little… retrograde… but this action hero-turned-alien slaughterer has shown the ability to lead, both on the battlefield and with his harem at home. Just imagine if Arnold Schwarzenegger took on a political role!
No matter where you are on the political spectrum, you probably want the government to do some things, but leave you alone otherwise. Tails has this balance perfected: He can't really screw up your game, but he can give you a little help once in a while.
A gun dealer from Grand Theft Auto
Stay safe! Stay Second Amendment!
He may have kidnapped Mario's girlfriend, but he sure is good at defending his turf with nothing but an unlimited supply of barrels. On national security matters, he'd be a sure winner.
Link, Age 35
This man saved the world about a billion times before he left his teens. Just think how accomplished and respected he'll be by the time he's old enough to run.
Imagine having to sit across the negotiating table from one of those things.
The Weighted Companion Cube
All the comfort of a real president, none of the screwing up.
Date: October 26, 2012
*The views expressed within this article are solely the opinion of the author and do not express the views held by Cheat Code Central.*