5. Sackboy (LittleBigPlanet)
LittleBigPlanet is certainly a creative and engaging platformer. There's no disputing that. And I was anxious to see what adorable little creature I'd be playing as when popping the game into my PlayStation 3. When greeted with a brown ball of yarn known only as a "Sackboy," I was disappointed. The vacant smile, dead black eyes, and annoyingly cheery little bugger actually isn't that adorable at all. Sure, you can dress them up in plenty of cutesy outfits so they resemble some of your favorite Sony figureheads, but take it all away and they're not so hot...certainly not mascot-worthy. Crash Bandicoot revival, anyone?
4. Marcus Fenix (Gears of War series)
You don't get much more manly than Fenix, flagship protagonist of Gears of War. Lancers are amazing and all, and Marcus is your bro if you want a side of humor with your rugged no-neck man's man, but as far as third-person leads go, we can do so much better. We're not sure how his character will evolve in Gears of War 3, but dear old Marcus is the epitome of male fantasy, and you needn't look far to see that, so it should be obvious why I doubt his uniqueness in a world of plenty of other amazing characters.
3. Master Chief (Halo series)
Now, I'm no Halo hater, but you don't get any more generic than Master Chief, the pinnacle of the entire Halo franchise. Sure, we know enemies run in terror wherever he rears his shiny sage-colored helmet, but beyond reading into the Halo lore propagated via books, tie-in features, and supplemental materials, Master Chief is rather flat. That of course doesn't stop him from being the center of today's gaming world. I'll openly admit I've oohed and ahhed at his rumbling one-liners and narrow escapes, but his everyman persona is nothing to lose your marbles over.
2. Lara Croft (Tomb Raider series)
She may have won the hearts of plenty of gamers with her then-revolutionary "assets" (insert eyeroll here), and as a female protagonist I do appreciate her contributions, but as far as characters go, there's little to Lara beyond guns, quips, and some smooth moves. Other than her trademark tank top and short shorts, Lara's your plain-jane everywoman. Really, she could be anyone. It's disappointing to me that most of her notoriety seems to stem from those interested only in how many pixels comprise those dangerous curves, but I can certainly see why. There's not much else to her when you strip away the exterior. For that reason, I'm looking forward to the upcoming Tomb Raider reboot, where we hopefully see Lara's character improve.
1. Princess Peach (Mario series)
Here's a character I'm sure you're all familiar with: Princess Toadstool, or Peach. Ever since she's been crawling around in her little pink diapers, Bowser has been stealing her away from Mario and the Mushroom Kingdom, and we've been eating it up. Well, I'm not going to dwell too much on Bowser's reasoning behind kidnapping one woman for years in succession. I don't think I really want to know his innermost desires. What I do know is that Peach is fairly useless beyond her ability to bake cakes and get kidnapped. She's the epitome of damsel style, with her cotton candy pink dress, parasol, and flowing blonde hair. Sure, she's gorgeous, but I do have to wonder what Mario sees in her to risk his life an astronomical amount of times just to keep her safe. Beyond the fact that Peach is too incompetent to escape Bowser's terrifying grasp, what does she even do for the inhabitants of Mushroom Kingdom? I'm willing to bet she's just a figurehead. What is a human princess doing ruling over mushroom-people, anyway? Granted, Peach has had a few instances where she is actively trying to take part in preserving the good of the kingdom or the world, such as in Super Paper Mario, where she actually becomes a playable party member. It is quite notable as well that she appeared in her very own (albeit very easy) platformer, Super Princess Peach, in which she endeavors to save the Mario Bros. for once. Okay, Peachy. I'll give you the platformer that you starred in and the few instances you decided you should play a little harder to get, but that still doesn't excuse you from a history of helplessness, nor your being completely overrated.
By Brittany Vincent
CCC Freelance Writer
*The views expressed within this article are solely the opinion of the author and do not express the views held by Cheat Code Central.*