Top 10 Women Of Gaming That I’ve Had A Crush On
Sure, just about all of the women that show up in our video games are fictional, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t crush-worthy. Any boy who goes through puberty with a game controller in his hands knows this all too well. So, at the risk of embarrassing myself beyond what I’m typically comfortable with, here are ten lovely women in gaming that I personally have had enormous crushes on at some point in time.
And, looking over this list again, it’s starting to make sense to me why my love life is such a mess; my taste in women is absurdly impractical. I blame it on my stupid hormones.
10. Lara Croft (Tomb Raider)
Let’s just get this one over with right away: I admit that I once had a crush on gaming’s biggest sex symbol, Lara Croft. Yes, I realize this is incredibly stereotypical, and in retrospect, I feel quite ashamed of myself.
To make things worse, this was back when the series was brand new, and the developers hadn’t yet figured out how to make Lara’s “assets” round enough to not poke out anyone’s eyeballs. Oh, those sweet, sweet polygons!
I’m considerably older now, and I realize several things about Lara Croft that I never thought about back then. First of all, she’s cooler than I’ll ever be, and she’s in far better shape than I’ve ever been in. Also, she carries guns, and I’m not really a gun-totin’ kind of guy. Oh, and she’s filthy rich. I guess what I’m trying to say is that Lara’s always been way out of my league.
But I can live with that.
9. Lightning (Final Fantasy XIII)
This one’s pretty embarrassing too: Pretty much the only reason I played so much of Final Fantasy XIII (I gave up at some point during the final boss fight) was because I liked hanging out with Lightning so much.
Now, I know what you’re thinking: But she has absolutely no personality. And you’re absolutely correct. If Lightning were real, she’d be the most boring person ever.
But that doesn’t mean she’s not hot.
8. Catwoman (Batman: Arkham City)
Leather cat suit. Enough said.
7. Mad Moxxi (Borderlands)
So. Um… Yeah. Every male on Pandora has either had a fling with Moxxi or was produced as the result of one of her famous one-night stands. But that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t give her a shot. Of course, I’d make sure I had a healthy supply of condoms first.
6. Chloe Frazer (Uncharted 2)
Chloe is simply one of the coolest women in gaming. She’s got that mischievous personality, a razor-sharp wit, and dear lord, that amazing British ass… Wait! I meant to say accent! I promise!
5. Aerith Gainsborough (Final Fantasy VII)
I know a lot of people are going to be surprised that, when it comes to the ladies of Final Fantasy VII, I’d pick Aerith (or Aeris, depending on how picky you are about translation) over Tifa any day. But let’s be real here: Aerith is just this super amazing 90s chick. I mean, she wears Doc Martins with a dress, how cool is that? Sure, she’s not very outspoken, but I’ve always felt that she’s the kind of girl who wouldn’t mind seeing a rock show with me.
And that’s not even mentioning those hypnotic green eyes. I could stare into those all day long.
4. Eva (Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater)
Eva is essentially Big Boss’s kryptonite, and it’s not hard to see why. She knows exactly how to drive men crazy, playing the role of the double agent femme fatale like few women ever could. She’s got such a mysterious personality that, even after MGS3’s credits roll, you can never be sure which side she’s playing for. And there’s something undeniably appealing about a woman of mystery.
3. Harley Quinn (Batman: Arkham Asylum)
A lot of my friends tell me that I tend to be attracted to women who are completely insane. Well, I guess they’re right, because I spent a good portion of Arkham Asylum ogling the lovely Harley Quinn. Women just don’t come any crazier that her. But seriously, my fellow heterosexual males, if that nurse outfit of hers doesn’t do anything for you, you’re probably not human.
2. Jessica Alkirk (Lunar: Silver Star Story)
Sure, Lunar: Silver Star Story is pretty obscure these days, but I’ll always consider it to be one of the crowning achievements of the JRPG genre. And part of that is because it includes the adorable Jessica Alkirk. She seems kind of sweet and shy whenever she’s in close proximity to her father, but as soon as you see her outside of her hometown, you realize just what a wild card she can be.
Yeah, she’s got a temper, and her boyfriend’s a complete moron, but Jessica is an amazing woman who I’d love to spend some time getting to know.
1. Sylvia Christel (No More Heroes)
My number one gaming crush will always be Sylvia Christel. Always.
This woman just exudes pure sexiness. Her style looks like she was going for a professional look, only she gave up at some point before her blouse was fully buttoned. She knows how to somehow be subtle and obvious at the same time, and her whole shtick works because she has this subdued yet playful way about pretty much everything she does.
Oh, and that horribly fake French accent? That drives me wild.
Editor / Social Media
Date: December 7, 2012
*The views expressed within this article are solely the opinion of the author and do not express the views held by Cheat Code Central.*