By Cole Smith
Battling wombats has never been this much fun. Grab a stick, and start whacking. You're surrounded by hundreds of wombats, and there's only one way out. It's not that your path is blocked, or that the wombats are dangerous, it's that you are bit of a psychopath and can't resist the urge to crack some wombat skull. They're not exactly cute, so who the hell cares? It's not as though there is any "Save the Wombat" foundation that you're going to offend. So have a blast, and send some wombats to hell, where they belong.
Write, perform, and record your own songs with your very own band with Rock Bland, the game that lets you sound like every other lame band on the planet. Start your song out slow with a few notes on the guitar and sing about how the world doesn't understand you. Make sure to use a fake British accent. Then kick everything into high gear for the chorus, making sure to yell in a key approximately one octave higher. The guitar thrashes, the drums crash, and the bass just plays one note: fast and loud. Then bring it back down, and sing some more about how your girlfriend doesn't understand you. Then kick it back in and tell everyone to go to hell. Upload to YouTube and tell all your friends that you're a rock star. Don't forget to make certain the drummer and bass player remain in relative obscurity and abject poverty. Hey, they deserve it. They should have become guitar players if they want fame and fortune. Lazy bastards…
Howard the Stern
Ain't this just ducky? Howard the Stern is trapped in a world that he made. And made out like a bandit. Surrounded by jokesters, lesbians, yes-men, maniacal midgets, crackhead poets, and hundreds of millions of dollars, find out what it's like to be Howard the Stern for one full day. This game chronicles a day in the life of the King of All Media. It's performed in real time and will take 24 hours to complete. It's loaded with profane language, depraved topics, tastelessly dirty jokes, and graphic depictions of everything from sex to bowel movements. It's entertainment for the entire family.
Call of Duty: Urinal Wars
You won't have to mind your "Qs" as much as your "Ps" when you compete to be the King of the Throne in this pissing contest. Test your skills in competitions where accuracy counts. In Urinal Wars, we aim to please - you aim to please. Up to eight players can compete in various long distance categories. Competitors will be gauged on accuracy, flow, pressure, color, and form. Don't make a mess or urine-trouble. When it comes to Urinal Wars, when you gotta' go, you gotta' go.
Grand Theft Archie
Join Archie, Jughead, Betty, Veronica, and the rest of the gang as they bang their way through the streets of Riverdale. In order to make it to the top, the gang takes their orders from Pop Tate as he makes them perform shakedowns, takedowns, and even murder. Everyone's had enough of that bitchy Miss Grundy. Who's going to miss her? Learn how to employ Betty and Veronica in the world's oldest profession. Send in Big Moose to rough up a few cheap business owners. Watch Jug go insane with a semi-automatic after a weekend-long drinking binge. Have fun, but just make sure they're all ready for school Monday morning.