Is it just me, or does it seem like everyone that uses a fitness video game is already a fitness fanatic?
These fitness freaks have invaded our gaming domain. They've already got gyms, tennis courts, walking trails, sidewalks, and stairs. Apparently they have lots of money to spread around, since they aren't using it to buy boxes of burgers and gallons of Pepsi.
I liked things the way they were, before health conscious developers found a new niche to exploit so they could make a buck. Gaming has always been somewhat of a cerebral pastime; sloth-like, if you will. It's supposed to be fun, not healthy. You don't see me going to the gym and playing Call of Duty on one of their big screens, do you?
With games such as Wii Fit, Let's Yoga, EA Sports Active, and the multitude of motion games, I'm starting to feel guilty; like the last customer at McDonalds at the end of the evening that won't let the employees leave until he's finished his supersized Value Meal.
Playing games affords me the luxury of escapism from real life. It allows me to hide in a darkened corner and withdraw from the world with a cornucopia of low-quality, high-fat treats. I'm hungry just thinking about those delectable empty calories.
If you've ever tried to lose weight by purchasing any media-related product, such as CDs, DVDs, and these ridiculous fitness games, the first thing you'll learn is that no results are typical, nor are they guaranteed. In order for any of these fitness regimes to work, you have to go on a diet. They don't call it a diet, they call it something like "proper nutritional intake." Trust me, it's a diet. And if I just followed the damned diet, I would lose weight without having to do the exercises. But I want to lose weight playing a game. That way I could still eat the crap I love to eat. Isn't that the dream? Having to exercise while following a strict diet does not seem like a fair deal no matter how you slice the pizza.
And another thing, these fitness games are about as fun as Special K is awesome-tasting. And without sugar, ice cream, icing, pudding, chocolate, Gummi Bears, and blue sprinkles on top, Special K is just not that great.
Exercise is torture. When someone uses my Wii for fitness purposes, it takes me hours to exorcise the bad vibes from the room. Not to mention that smell. That's the smell of fat burning. Not to be confused with the smell of melted fat, as in viscous nacho cheese. What would you rather eat?
I've played video games since the days of wood-burning computers. I will admit to having lithe, supple-looking fingers. But there's got to be a better way to lose weight and stay in shape than infringing on my decadent, and highly coveted, recreational gaming. How about this? An average male will burn approximately 550 calories during an eight-hour sleep. So just render me in a coma for three months, and then I can look forward to putting it all back on again while I game the way nature intended.
By Cole Smith
CCC Senior Contributing Writer
*The views expressed within this article are solely the opinion of the author and do not express the views held by Cheat Code Central. This week's is also purely a work of fiction*