Weekly Rant: Redneck Games

Weekly Rant: Redneck Games



Not only are hunting and fishing games boring, but they encourage the redneck lifestyle. Even bowling is too sophisticated for these people. They can't get enough of killing things in real life, so they have to continue it vicariously through video games. These people are dangerous. They wander around forests and lakes with loaded guns and barbed hooks.

Through redneck-style video games (Activision, I'm talking about your Cabela series here), these backwater yokels hope to perpetuate their lifestyle through impressionable youth. The world needs another redneck like the video game industry needs another racing game. When was the last time a redneck made a contribution to society besides that metal scraper thing they've imbedded in concrete to remove the cow crap from your boots? I am proposing rehabilitation from redneck-ism. This can be done through video games.

Weekly Rant: Redneck Games

This generation of video game-playing rednecks are descendants of the CB enthusiasts of the 70s. "Got yer ears on, good buddy?" Some of this new generation has been taught to access Facebook. You probably have a few of them as friends. You can't but help feeling a pleasurable wave of embarrassing glee at their brain-dead posts. If you wonder why I assume you are not one of them, it's because you are reading.

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Along with killing things, rednecks also love NASCAR, but the simulation games out there such as NASCAR SimRacing are too complex for this group. So they opt for the spectator aspect. They find it difficult enough to interact with the TV remote, beer, and a bowl of corn chips. When it comes to anything technologically complicated, such as texting, downloading anything, spelling the word "downloading," or using both a knife and fork in separate hands for eating purposes, they evoke their redneck lifestyle as an excuse for their ignorance. They prefer to belittle those that are clearly superior to them. It's their form of psychological survival. Deep down they know they are inferior, and that's why they take their aggressions out on fish and deer. It's self-reaffirming to be able to outsmart a fish.

Weekly Rant: Redneck Games

Developers have the responsibility to help educate them. Perhaps letters could be caught instead of fish. Then the letters could be used to spell the name of the fish they wish to catch. In this way, the coelacanth will remain a rare specimen in the virtual world as well.

Rednecks are the brunt of many jokes, and deservedly so. Many don't even know they're being made fun of. What is especially tragic is that many of them are normal human beings trapped under layers of ignorance and stupidity. So do the world a favor. If you know any video game-playing rednecks, report them to anyone who doesn't drive a pickup truck, wear plaid or a baseball cap, watch wrestling, listen to country music and AC/DC, or live in Montana, Alabama, Alberta, or Saskatchewan.

By Cole Smith
CCC Senior Contributing Writer

*The views expressed within this article are solely the opinion of the author and do not express the views held by Cheat Code Central. This week's is also purely a work of fiction*

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