I did not put out hundreds of dollars for a gaming machine to play a game of cards when I can buy two decks of real playing cards for a buck.

Games can take you into fantastic realms you never dreamed of, regardless of your interest. Sports fans, wannabe rockstars, space cadets, mystical sages, and analytical problem solvers can live their fantasies vicariously through gaming. And then there's the oblivious moron playing solitaire on his (or her) computer. Yes, girls can be morons as well.

You can make the argument that video game solitaire is more portable, requires less table space than cards, and can be saved in a moment's notice. I would make the argument, why the hell are you playing solitaire in the first place? Leave that game to the unadventurous poverty-stricken population.

If you have a group of people over, and you want to play poker, whist, Crazy 8s, strip poker, Rummoli, or whatever, do you expect everyone to reach for their DS? No! You use an actual, physical deck of cards. There are some things that cannot be replicated virtually. Cards are in this category, as are friends. If you don't have any friends, re-read the last three paragraphs and maybe you'll learn why you don't have any.

Perhaps you want a game of poker. You have no friends, the dollar store is closed, and the casino is a hundred miles away. So you do the next best thing, have a virtual game of poker against A.I. controlled opponents. Wrong. That's not the next best thing. You're playing against the A.I. This is a program, not a person. It's designed to win or lose, giving the illusion of engaging you in decisive play. So after a few days you become the poker king, playing against low-difficulty A.I. Then you decide to take your newly acquired arrogance to the casino, or worse yet, online poker, and get your bank account cleaned out by real-world gamblers. Serves you right.

Other games that should remain in the real world include Hangman, Tic Tac Toe, checkers, chess, and all other board games including Monopoly. If you don't have actual game pieces to hold, such as heavy marble chessmen, what are you going to throw at your opponent in moments of frustration? Words can hurt psychologically, but a heavy projectile leaves an impression all can enjoy. I'm not condoning violence, I'm just saying it's all right as long as it doesn't happen to me.

Send a message to these inspirationally-bankrupt developers and don't buy any of their public domain games. These games belong in the physical world, where I can forget they exist altogether.

By Cole Smith
CCC Senior Contributing Writer

*The views expressed within this article are solely the opinion of the author and do not express the views held by Cheat Code Central.*