Perfect Dark Meets Star Wars Review

Joanna Dark Darth Vader's Grandmother? You bet!
Sets up the Events for Episode 0
Graphics Rivalling PS2
Super Enhanced Multi-Player Modes From Perfect Dark
Cooperative Mode Cool
World's First 16 Player Multi-Games on One TV!

4 Expansion Packs Needed
Multi-Player May Cause Blindness
N64 Box not edible Like GoldenAss: 007 II

The game is a FPS shooter, like PD or Star Wars: Shadows of the Empire. The story involves a security breach in Datadyne's office in which Ms. Dark must investigate. When she enters the building (all done in CG) she is sucked through a time portal to a land, a long time ago, far far away...you guessed it. Back to the time of Star Wars (which for all of you that know anything, takes place in the past, not the future). Once she wakes up, she is on the Planet Tattoine and your first mission objective is to find a weapon because there are Jawas and other freaky monsters in the desert. Once she locates an abandoned weapon, the game gets much easier to play obviously. Without giving away the whole story or any secrets I can say that the storyline actually takes place before Episode 1 because as you will discover, it is Joanna Dark who gives birth to Anakin Skywalker's mother, in effect, making Joanna, Darth Vader's grandma. That is why in the Star Wars universe all evil lords are called "Darth" because on Tattoine, the letter K is pronounced not like a hard "C" but with a "TH" sound. This would make the pronunciation of Dark, "Darth". Make sense? The only family it doesn't apply to is the Skywalker family which would sound stupid if pronounced "Sthywather". The legacy of Dark/Darth begins with Joanna and how she accidentally brings about the creation of the Dark side after hooking up with the President of Tattoine, who she is supposed to assassinate later in the game. It's a very cool concept that George Lucas has approved and has officially named the game and the 7th movie, Episode 0. Oops, I think I said too much. Don't read that last part because I kind of gave away the whole game and the future movies. SPOILER ALERT BACK THERE!

Just like in Perfect Dark, Joanna can call along a buddy (played by CPU or player 2) to help her along with the levels. Each level has at least 5-8 mission objectives, which can get incredibly difficult later in the game. Playing these levels with a smart friend is sometimes the only way to get through the game. In a first for the video game industry, you can actually contact a Sloof Lirpa game tester and invite them over the weekend to help you play the game at no extra charge. Although I didn't want to go this route, I realized that it was the only way I was going to beat it. I called the 1-800 number, and Lance hopped on a plane that night and was here within 12 hours of my call. We had a great time until he discovered the liquor cabinet, but at least I was able to get the knife away from him. That's all water the bridge now though, and he really helped me out a lot. I'd certainly recommend hiding the booze and calling up one of these guys to help you out when you get the game.

A completely new idea is the ability to play as either a good or evil Joanna Dark once you finish the original game. Although playing through the second time as Dark Joanna Dark won't effect or influence the upcoming 7th movie scheduled for a summer 2023 release, it still is fun to see how things could have turned out with Joanna on the dark side.

Of course, not everything about the game is perfect. The game sports some incredible visuals, but only if you piggyback 4 (count em!) Expansion packs, which gives the N64 a whopping 18 MB of RAM to play with. You really can't even play this game without at least 2 Expansion packs, but at least the game warns you in advance. If you only have one expansion pack all that will be available to you is the Title screen, (but WOW, what a Title Screen it is!) so if you want to play you are going to have to shell out some cash. With two Expansion packs the single player game is shortened to about 6 minutes and multi-player mode is only good for one player. The arena in this mode is quite limited to about a 6 foot by 6 foot playing area, but it's pretty intense. But add a bot and the slowdown is so horrendous that you could had write a complaint letter to Sloof Lirpa and mail it, between frames.

All that changes if you expand your RAM however. If Multi-Player is your cup of tea, than watch out. PD/SW is a frag fest. With the expanded RAM you can have up to 28 bots and up to 16 human players at one time (you'll need the Sloof Lirpa Multi-Multi-Multi Tap for this). Trying to focus on one tiny little screen while there are 15 others all moving at the same time, can get a little disorienting to say the least. After playing this mode for 10 minutes, I was able to communicate with plantlife and see through cement. I wouldn't advise long sessions with 16 players, but it sure was a gas until my eyes wouldn't close on their own. You know, even if playing 16 player does permanent damage to your vision, I'm sure within a few years, you'll be able to buy bionic eyes in vending machines. I mean, get serious already. It's the 21st century. So go ahead and play. Also, the logistics of cramming 16 people in a room to play a 16-player multi-player game on a 13 inch TV is a little psycho. At least make sure everyone has had a bath recently before hunkering down to all-night vid session. I learned my lesson. Oh, one last thing, if someone's eyes fall back into their head and they start talking to dead relatives, just let them be and they should come around in a few hours.

If you are dying to see how Episode 0 is going to play out, then you had better get your hands on this little item. Sure the Expansion packs are a little costly, but in the end, oh so worth it. The multi-player mode is well put together (although the jury is still out on whether 16 players at one time on one television is a good thing) and the meshing of these two universes is handled with maturity (except for the one or two dozen fart jokes found within the game) and skill. There is reason after all to dust off your N64 once again. Thanks Sloof Lirpa!

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