Successfully complete the indicated task to unlock the corresponding achievement. To view your achievements and stats in Steam, select "Community", "My profile", "View all my games", then the game and view stats.
- Air. Wind. Sun. Pain. I Am All of This, and Your Mom Makes a Fine Pasta Dinner: Complete the Summer Sun level from the main menu with full points.
- I am at Risk of Contracting Mononucleosis, Which is Known Colloquially as the Kissing Disease: This achievement is an award which is awarded for achieving 10,000 kisses total.
- I am One in a Million, and There Are Six Thousand People in the World Exactly Like Me: Awarded for racking up over 999,999.999 points total.
- I Avoid Sleep Wherever Possible, So I Played AaaaaAAaaaAAAaaAAAAaAAAAA!!! a Whole Lot: Awarded for completing 4,096 jumps.
- I Have Broken More Glass Than a Finely Corpulent Opera Singer, and Love Myself For It: Awarded for breaking 1,000 scoring plates.
- I Have Jumped Beyond the Powers of Two, and Have Lived to Tell the Tale: Awarded for completing your 128th jump.