Sloof Lirpa



Lara Croft's Naked Trampoline Party Review

By: John Doe

What's the joke, right? That's what I thought too, and then one of the guys from Sloof Lirpa (Pybis John) sent me a finished version of the game. When they say, Adult's Only, they mean it! My face is still red!


After all of the controversy and rumor over Lara appearing nude in a Tomb Raider game, it finally seemed that we were destined to live in a world where Ms. Croft kept it all on. Enter Sloof Lirpa, an upstart Silicon Valley development team that is getting all of the coolest licenses these days. When they told me what they were working on, I must have laughed for 10 minutes. Even after sending me the screen shots below, I still didn't believe them. Then they sent me the game and I almost didn't believe them until my PC started loading the bloody thing! Sure enough, this game is real. Lara Croft is bouncing on a trampoline right in front of me and she is starkers. It's oddly hypnotic.

Lara Croft's Naked Trampoline Party is a weird game. It's a cross between Tomb Raider (the Tomb Raider title can't be used due to legal reasons) Parappa the Rapper and Dance Dance Revolution, but Lara is naked and there are trampolines everywhere and she has absolutely no weapons, er, except for two, which threaten to take her own eyes out! When confronted by an enemy she must quickly find a trampoline, do a routine and if it's "good enough" the enemy falls over and "dies", with a smile on his face, of course. If she can't get enough air or doesn't have a good enough routine, the enemy will get on to the trampoline, remove his clothes and jump up and down. Then it's Game Over. Let's just say, that you probably don't want this to happen, okay? The first time it did, I choked so hard on a piece of licorice that I think I went back in time about 8 seconds. Don't try and understand that, I don't know what it means either.

The controls are pretty easy to get the hang of, but you'll need a 10 button joystick like my favorite Hammer-Head Controller by Interact. Using a mouse and a keyboard for this game is like using a canoe paddle to eat pudding. If you have the Hammer-Head, you can use the separate analog controls (it's like the PlayStation's Dual Shock) to control her movements; the left analog controls her top half and the right analog controls her better, I mean, bottom half. You can do some pretty complicated little maneuvers. In fact, I was getting into the game so much that I had completely forgotten that Lara was naked and jumping on a trampoline, until my wife walked in and gently reminded me with a nice Cobra-sized bite on my cheek. And yes, I'm referring to the one on my face, thank you very much. The other buttons control movements such as flips, splits and spins. Did I mention this game was adults only?

Another cool aspect of LCNTP, are the mini-games. There is a strip poker game worth the price of admission, a car wash level (nuff said!) and the weirdest of all: A tassel twirling game where you control Lara's um, tassel holders with the analog controls. If you can keep them spinning for 1:30 minutes you'll earn a blistering CG!

Graphically, I was a little disappointed. The game looks a little rushed and is grainy in parts, even with a Voodoo 3500 under the hood. The guys at Sloof Lirpa mentioned that they are tightening up the graphic engine, but said I could review this version anyway. One possible reason for the graininess, is the implementation of using a set of liquid crystal 3D glasses. Sloof Lirpa wouldn't comment but certain things were said and hinted at. Those who have been dying to see Ms. Croft as Core had made her, won't be disappointed, especially when you see the jaw-dropping CG's specially prepared for this game. I can't believe this is the girl I ran around the world with. You won't either. Who said Lara was shy? Blush!

The voice acting is top notch. Lara says all kinds of things throughout the game, most of which I can't repeat here. There is even an option to change the language and hear Lara speak in French, Italian, German and the most hilarious of all, Cartman! It seems that the boys at Sloof Lirpa are big fans of the South Park show and became friends with Trey Parker of SP fame. He came by one day and recorded some really foul stuff! To see Lara move her lips while hearing Cartman is one of the strangest things you'll ever see and hear.

All in all, this is no doubt the game most everyone without a life has been waiting for. On one hand I applaud the balls it took to make a game like this, and on the other I am saddened that in the year 2000, men still see women as sex objects. Although, I guess Lara is really an object, but that's not the point. I was disappointed and embarrassed when the girls from Tecmo's Dead or Alive came out bouncing on the PlayStation (there is even an option to turn the breast bouncing on or off!) and I feel the same way about this game. Of course, it will sell billions so what do I know? It's coming April 1, 2000 from the guys and gal at Sloof Lirpa. Make sure you pre-order it now, because it'll be as scarce as Lara's under garments are in this game!

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