Successfully complete one of the following tasks to get a trophy:
- I hate my stupid stepdad. (Bronze): Get 1st place in any ranked game.
- Oh crap, did I brush my teeth today? (Bronze): Get 20 total kills in ranked games.
- I'm getting hungry. (Bronze): Get your first kill in any ranked game.
- Or maybe I'm just bored. I think that's it — I'm bored. (Bronze): Get 100 total kills in ranked games.
- But I mean, why wouldn't I be? This class sucks so bad. (Bronze): Get 1st place in 25 ranked Deathmatch games.
- Maybe I'll say I need to go to the bathroom. (Bronze): Use all Alientown warps in one match — including secret warps!
- Then I'll just hide in a stall and watch videos till class ends. (Bronze): Discover granny's terrible secret!
- Amy keeps looking at me and smiling. That's weird. It's cool, but it's weird. (Bronze): Smasher SMASH!!!!
- I wonder if she likes me. How amazing would that be? (Bronze): Reach floor 15 of any month's tower.
- Maybe she just feels sorry for me. Or maybe she's smiling at someone behind me? (Silver): Get 1000 total kills in ranked games.
- Nope — there's just a poster of Abraham Lincoln behind me. She could be smiling at the poster, I guess? That'd be so weird. (Silver): Play and finish 50 games in any ranked game mode.
- Actually, that would make me like her more. And to be clear, what I mean is, if she IS a little weird, I'd like that. (Silver): Get any two characters to level 15.
- I wasn't saying I'd like her more if she wanted to get with Abe Lincoln. That'd be super gross cuz he's dead. And very tall. (Gold): Get 3rd place or above in 300 games in any ranked game mode.