Blasto Review

By: John Doe

Phil Hartman is Captain Blasto. Well at least, he's the voice of Captain Blasto. You control Captain Blasto. Well at least, you try and control Captain Blasto. My point being (sarcasm aside) that this game shouldn't be that hard to control. But it is. Yet this is a game that was delayed time and time again for everything to be done just right. Hmmm...okay. Remember this game was going to be a flagship title for Sony. You see, Sony doesn't really have a mascot. Crash Bandicoot you say? Well that little gem is Naughty Dog's character. Sony wanted Captain Blasto to be their man. But this game doesn't do the concept justice. So it looks like Sony's back sniffing the Bandicoot's behind for awhile longer. Read on.

First things first. This game is a 3D platform/action/shooter that spectacularly fails on almost every level. The graphics are reminiscent of the old Warner Bros. cartoons (Bugs Bunny etc.) that featured Marvin the Martian, but if Bubsy 3D taught us anything it was that this look sucks in a video game. It's just not flashy enough.

As I've mentioned already, the control is not quite as tight as you would want it. However, it's not as bad as what some other people have said. Someone at my local Microplay said it was "unplayable". BTW, it was a customer who said it, not an employee. The customer was referring to the way that Blasto turns. I didn't find that too bad, although I found him to be awkwardly slow. Blasto isn't exactly agile. He tends to get hit. A lot. Which makes the game end. A lot. Not only does he amble slowly but, the terrain is extremely unforgiving. Jumps are hard to line up properly and sometimes you'll fall off the walkway just by trying to get your fat ass out of the line of fire. Pretty unfair and amateurish game design. Not exactly a threat to Nintendo's resident genius. (You know who you are.)

As for the levels, they pretty much begin to melt into one another. Look for a switch, free a Babe, shoot a Pear-Troop, jump on a platform, find a power-up etc. Not exactly the next step in video gaming originality.

As for Phil Hartman, the game I used for this review had a scratch, so Phil's lines skipped and stuttered. Not as funny as Dana Gould's Gex, and certainly not as may lines for Blasto. But mind you I've never bought a game for the music or sound effects anyway.

I can some this game up pretty quickly: After playing for a few hours, I got up, went and sorted the recyclables, took them to the curb and had not one inkling to play the game again. And that is a shame, because I had high hopes for this one. Rent it. You may have more fun with it than I did.

Rating Legend 1-10 (10 being the highest mark)
Graphics: 7.5
Gameplay: 5.0
Music/FX: 5.0
Control: 4.0
Fun: 5.5
Frustration: 9.0
Originality: 5.0
Replay Value: 5.0

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