Black Ops

Electronic Arts


Warpath: Jurassic Park Review

By: John Doe

I bet you know already what this game is going to be like, don't you? The trouble is, playing as dinosaurs is so 65 million years ago. Fighting games are generally cool because you identify with the characters but how can you identify with a T. Rex, Raptor or a Stygi, (unless it's Lenny and Stygi)? The ability to "get into" this game, left the day I got married and signed mortgage papers. I don't want to be a Raptor, I just wanna kick someone's ass with some moves that I'd never be able to accomplish without first drinking a Super Big Gulp filled with pure adrenaline. Warpath: Jurassic Park is just another milking of a license that should have been extinct long ago.


Button mashing! Get your button mashing here!! The target audience for this game has definitely got to be the under 10 crowd, even though the game is rated Teen. I mean, come on, you don't throw this kind of control into a game meant for teens or above. However, don't under estimate the large majority of underage gamers. They know good from crap. They play games all the time. What else do they have to do? They aren't being ordered around by their spouses every five minutes to accomplish another tedious life-draining chore. They aren't under deadline to produce some miraculous cost-cutting measure that will save the company millions. They aren't stuck in traffic for an hour every morning. Heck they don't even bathe on a regular basis. So all they have to do is play those darn games. They'll be able to sniff out this stinker in mere moments.

If button mashing is enough to turn you off, throw in the fact that there are lag times between hitting a button and seeing the animation. Just try and link some combos together. I dare you. Yes, things are just getting better aren't they? If that wasn't bad enough, if you struggle to actually fight you'll be so pissed off at the collision detection that you'll be biting your controller like a genius. Is there anything redeeming about this game?

Okay, the one thing that Warpath has going for it in spades are the visuals of the monsters themselves. These are some fine lookin' dinos. Add in the fact that they can fight in 10 areas taken from the Jurassic Park movies and that makes the game slightly more interesting. Of course, some people will be tinkled pink at the thought of fighting as dinosaurs making everything else inconsequential. The levels feature some cool extras like humans and other dinos stupid enough to get close to a couple of ferocious carnivores...ouch. At least they are enough to get your mind off the fact that these animals are fighting as if they were in the WWF. I know not one of us have seen dinosaurs go at it, but I have the feeling it would be a lot more frenzied than what this game turned out to be. The environments are haphazard at best. Some levels are fine but then other levels break up horribly when there is too much going on. It's quite obvious that the aging PSX architecture is struggling to juggle this much at one time.

Black Ops (who blew 007's game too dinos, so don't feel bad) does a decent job of the sound effects, but there is little here to make you go "That sound was awesome!" If you've seen the JP movies you'll know what to expect. The orchestral soundtrack was very good and fit the game well. At least it wasn't techno or rap...

If you haven't guessed it by now, you should probably avoid this game. If you are hellbent on playing fighting dinos, I suggest dusting off your old T. Rex toys and doing it the old fashioned way. It will be a lot more fun, there will be no lag time and you'll save yourself some dough. Whatever you do, get this game off of your Christmas or birthday list, because anyone who buys you this game clearly doesn't love you. If you do get this game for Christmas, shake your fist at the sky and say, "I've been a good person all year and this is how you reward me, Santa you rotten sonuvabi..." Okay don't say that. Just get the receipt and hightail it back to the store the day after Christmas. You've been warned. Hey don't thank me. Just doing my job.






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