People get suckered into giving gifts. It happens all the time. There’s always one person you know that is going to get you something, but you’re not entirely thrilled about the prospect of spending money on them. You know you have to, due to those damned social mores, but aren’t happy about it. Don’t worry, you have a means of recourse. Go ahead and fall back on passive aggressive behavior.
What I’m saying is pull a grandma. You know what I’m talking about. Grandma knows you love video games, so she goes to Walmart and grabs something off the shelf. Maybe, if you’re lucky, she gets the advice of the disgruntled employee who hasn’t had a day off since Black Friday. “Little Billy” would love a new game, but of course she never mentions that Billy is 35. You can’t get mad at her when she gives you a copy of Frozen: Olaf’s Quest , because you know she tried and probably had good intentions.
That’s what you need to go for here, should you decide a crappy video game is the best way to show someone that you care enough to get them something for the holiday, but it’s really all out of obligation. But, you don’t want to grab Duck Dynasty off the shelf, hand it off, and call it a day. That’s too lazy. You’re better than that. No, when it comes to giving crappy games as gifts, you need to show a little finesse.
The “best” crappy game this year is undoubtedly Sonic Boom . Whether it’s Rise of Lyric or Shattered Crystal , you really can’t go wrong. The thing is, everyone who games knows these entries were ticking timebombs of suck. If you’re going to try and gift these off, you need to get creative. Because if you give it to a Wii U owner, they’ll ask why you didn’t get Super Smash Bros or the NES Remix Pack instead. For them, make up a memory. “Remember that time when we all stayed up until 3am, beating Sonic & Knuckles ?” Tap into nostalgia and they’ll let it go. As for 3DS owners, claim that with all the games released in 2014 and this being so new, it was one of the few titles you were sure they didn’t already own.
However, if you really want to do this right, you want to go with a game that’s so bad, people have already forgotten it exists. These are the titles that were so abominable, society has collectively repressed their entire existence. You’ll be surprised to know there were three games like this released in 2014 or, maybe you won’t. That’s the beauty of memory repression! Bound By Flame is the easiest to find. It was a middling RPG for the PS3, PS4, Xbox 360, and PC. The best part is, provided it hasn’t been patched yet, you can break it in the first three minutes of play! Yaiba: Ninja Gaiden Z is another. There was a lot of hype surrounding this game, which is Ninja Gaiden with zombies, but the PS3, Xbox 360, and PC game quickly faded into obscurity. Plus, you can always fall back on the ” Ninja Gaiden used to be good” excuse.
Then, there’s Rambo: The Video Game . Did you know a Rambo game was released this year? No? Neither will the person you’re buying it for! Hell, you’ll probably have to go out of your way to even find a PS3 or Xbox 360 copy of the game, but I guarantee it will be worth it. Because, should you decide this is the game for the person you don’t really care much about one way or the other, you’re also giving a gift to yourself. Imagine the look on the recipient’s face when they tear off that wrapping and see Sly Stallone starring back at them. You might even get to see a demonstration of the Kübler-Ross model before your very eyes!
You may have to give gifts to some people. That’s how life is. Turn that negative into a positive. Make it an experience. Have fun with it. Buy up all the copies of Rambo: The Video Game you can find in a 15 mile radius. This can be a holiday your family, friends, and those people you have to get stuff for will never forget.