Cole's Corner: Psycho-Analysis

Cole's Corner: Psycho-Analysis

There's an old saying, "Who you are is what you do when no one is looking." But most people do act differently alone. That's natural. What needs examining is how you interact around other people. You may be surprised to see how unnatural that act is.

A lot can be gleaned from a person's psyche by the way they play video games. Do people behave differently when they play a game with a few close friends, as opposed to playing alone? Do they behave differently if their competitors are family members or faceless online drones? Of course! Analyzing yourself, and other people, through video game interaction is a great way to see what kind of a jerk you really are.

Here are a few types you may recognize.

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The Newbie: When you're new at something, such as playing a new game or trying out your friend's newest next-gen console, you're always on your best behavior. That's because you want something. You laugh at the host's unfunny jokes. You might even throw out an insincere compliment or two. This is you being manipulative. You are The Newbie, with nothing more to offer than a fake, overly exuberant, happy-go-lucky persona. Meeting the host in a different social situation afterwards, you will find it impossible to muster the same enthusiastic personality you portrayed. The resulting interaction does nothing but make both parties uncomfortable.

The Bully: This is the player with the new game and new system. His friends want to drop by and try it out. Of course there has to be something in it for The Bully, and he or she will exact their toll in the form of control. Beforehand, The Bully makes the other players watch the "amazing" things he or she found on YouTube, and the "crazy" pictures he or she posted on Facebook. And then there are the unfunny jokes you will be forced to laugh at. The Bully won't explain the game properly to other players, will give them the broken controller, restart the game if he or she is losing, or just start fist fighting. The Bully doesn't really care if he wins or loses, because the game he is really playing is you.

The Teacher: This player is seemingly altruistic. He or she is really reaching out to those that need to learn the finer points of a particular game. Everything The Teacher has experienced and experimented with will be disseminated for the benefit of the student. The Teacher just wants the student to learn the game the right way. The Teacher feels really good about him or herself, and believes he or she will go to Heaven.

The Teached: They hate the Teacher. They think he or she is a condescending know-it-all from Hell that just won't relinquish enough information of the game to let The Teached have a go at it. The Teached have as much contempt for The Teacher as they do The Bully, and the reality is, there's really not much difference.

The Type-A Competitor: Losing is not an option for this insecure bag of neurosis. They will resort to anything short of murder to achieve the higher score, including intimidation, bullying, cheating, and distraction techniques. The Type-A Competitor is ecstatic during victory and violent in defeat. People can take comfort in knowing The Type-A Competitor usually suffers from high blood pressure, ulcers, and will ultimately die of a heart attack later in life.

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The Goof: The ultimate worst player. This person covers up for his lack of skills, or learning disability, by acting silly. It's hope d that if he or she gets a laugh, the other players won't notice how awful they are. It's a defense mechanism they've perfected to cover up their ineptitude. The Goof knows he or she sucks, and they know they'll never get better. They think laughter is the best medicine, but actually cyanide is. You do not want The Goof on your team; you want The Goof on the other team.

The BT/DT: Nothing excites or impresses The BT/DT, since he or she has already been-there/done-that. Every game, every situation, every character, every weapon, every song reminds the BT/DT of a similar but ultimately superior version. The BT/DT is aloof, smarmy, and monotone. Should a BT/DT meet another BT/DT, they will immediately profess to having met a more annoying BT/DT.

The Beta Tester: Or as I like to call him, (and it's always a him) the socially maladjusted, overweight, fashionally challenged liar.

Cole Smith
Senior Contributing Writer
Date: April 20, 2012

*The views expressed within this article are solely the opinion of the author and do not express the views held by Cheat Code Central.*

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