Sim Therapy

Sim Therapy

Here's an example of how sim therapy might work. You are on your first date, virtually speaking. If you mention your mom, video games, or The Big Bang Theory within the first five minutes, you fail. You will be unable to date for two weeks pending the workshop tutorial. And I should mention the tutorial is mostly text. You will have to wear special glasses that track the movement of your retina on the screen to assure you read the all three thousand pages. I didn't say this was going to be easy. Or fun. But the result of sim therapy will be a more idiot-free world.

Bullies will presented with scenarios of younger, weaker, and oddly dressed kids doing silly and increasingly annoying things. Of course, a variety of items such as sticks, rocks, water balloons, slingshots, and lead pipes will be scattered throughout the environment. When the bully reaches for such as object, he will receive an electric shock. This style of therapy proved successful on various psychotics such as Alex DeLarge from A Clockwork Orange.

Other examples of sim retribution will include docking your bank account for failure to tip an adequate server, being ejected from an establishment for assuming an entitlement to cut in line because your friends are there, and a three-week lockdown on all media and entertainment devices for missed deadlines and insubordination to superiors.

Sim Therapy

One of the more exciting aspects of sim therapy is the collateral damage phenomenon. It's typically activated by varying degrees of lethargy, stupidity, and ignorance. A typical scenario would begin with the participant unable to resist checking a text at work after repeated admonishments for previous offences. The ensuing infraction causes the offender to lose his or her job and all subsequent forms of income. The domino effect continues as the offender loses his or her vehicle, is kicked out of the apartment, loses all savings and credit, and is forced to live with mom and dad or out in the street.

The subsequent tutorial will include the memorization of phrases such as, "I'm calling on behalf of Walter's Furnace and Duct Cleaning," and "Welcome to Walmart."

Cole Smith
Contributing Writer
Date: June 29, 2012

*The views expressed within this article are solely the opinion of the author and do not express the views held by Cheat Code Central. This week's is also purely a work of fiction*

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