The Ultimate Zombie Survival Lexicon

The Ultimate Zombie Survival Lexicon

When the undead start roaming the earth, do you think you have what it takes to survive? Are you physically and mentally fit enough to survive in a world where you're what's on the menu? You might not see it at first, but there are many different ways the zombie apocalypse could happen. Really, humanity is just one renegade virus or overbooked Hell away from being violently thrown to the bottom of the food chain. It's a good thing, then, that I've prepared a glossary of the terms, tips, and tools that could very well save your life.

For starters, we have to look at how this could happen, because knowing what causes the Zombocalypse is important for surviving it. Let's get started.

Toxoplasma Gondii: If its name wasn't unnerving enough, this brain parasite is a real thing that's been known to infect rats. That might not sound like a big deal because, I mean, who likes rats anyway? This thing gets exponentially more terrifying when you realize it has motives for getting inside the rat. You see, Toxoplasma Gondii wants to get inside the rat so it can make the rat trot on over to a cat, which will then eat the rat, thus infecting the cat.

The Ultimate Zombie Survival Lexicon

Cordyceps: As if one mind-controlling parasite wasn't terrifying enough, there's another called Cordyceps that likes controlling ants so it can walk them over to a high spot. Once there, it sprouts from the ant's head and releases its spores so it can spread its love over the largest area possible.

Interesting side note: Uncharted developer Naughty Dog's 'The Last of Us' has something to do with a mutant form of Cordyceps that decimates humanity. See? I told you it was possible.

The T-Virus: In Resident Evil, the greedy Umbrella Corporation creates the T-virus, which in turn transforms every living soul in Raccoon City into flesh-eating undead. This might sound like a far-fetched idea, but in reality, there's something called Neurogenesis, and it's all about growing dead brain cells. This is a real science that's being worked on by men and women in white labcoats, probably in some secret underground facility. This facility could be anywhere—it could be in the middle of an empty desert, or even right under your house.

The Rage Virus: If Resident Evil's Romero-esque zombies aren't scary enough for you, the curb stomp-happy infected from 28 Days Later and Left 4 Dead should be. Believe it or not, there's actually a real disease out there called Creutzfeldt-Jakob that brings with it a familiar set of symptoms:

  • Changes in gait (walking)
  • Hallucinations
  • Lack of coordination
  • Muscle twitching
  • Myoclonic jerks or seizures
  • Rapidly developing delirium or dementia

    Now all we need is a mad scientist to add a few more symptoms to the list, like cannibalistic tendencies and being extremely hard to kill, and we should have a working zombie in time for Resident Evil 6.

    The Ultimate Zombie Survival Lexicon

    Those are just a few of the possible causes of the Zombocalypse. Now we need to dig into just how you're going to survive this thing when it happens. Because really, that's the hard part. Anyone who's seen movies like Zombieland is fully aware of some of the more obvious tips one should keep in mind whilst fighting for their life. Rules like the Double Tap and Limber Up could save your life one day, and here are a few more.

    Headshot: You might be flabbergasted that I would include something as obvious as the Headshot on this list, but believe me, when you're fighting your way through a mob of feral quislings with no Heavy support and a serious Wide Flow problem, you'd be surprised by things you can forget under such pressure. Also, if you didn't understand half of that sentence, read on.

    First Aid/Food: These are the necessary tools to survive, and without them you aren't likely to last very long. If you get infected, a first aid kit isn't going to help much unless it includes some Zombrex, but it can help stave off infected wounds, and other injuries. When it comes to food and water, staying away from perishables is key, and it's best to stick with water—no soda, alcohol, etc.

    Ferals: Not every foe is going to be of the undead variety. In fact, just like present day, the world is brimming with a myriad of different flavors of enemies that just can't wait to ruin your day. The Ferals are interesting because they're still human, only the stress and lack of human contact has caused their minds to break, causing them to regress to a more primal, animalistic state.