I usually wouldn't put gamers in any kind of elitist category. You've been to GameStop on a Saturday afternoon, so you know what I'm talking about. But compared to the average Facebook user, gamers are definitely at the top of the e-pecking order. You've seen the crappy games available on Facebook? So here's something we can finally agree on.
FarmVille is about as much a game as is collecting McDonald's figurines. It pretends to be a game to the novice, but it's really a cash cow that's being milked while players are being bilked. And to say nothing about the abnormally annoying invites you receive from your so-called friends. These people aren't your friends. If you're reading this, you are a real gamer, and you would never have friends in real life that play FarmVille. Maybe a wife or a girlfriend perhaps, but they're not really your friends. And if you're a hardcore gamer, you don't have to worry about girls.
These friends want you to help them find a goat, or a hammer, or a raspberry bush. What they really need is help to find them a life. To a true gamer, telling the world that you're playing FarmVille is like having to admit you've had relations with squirrels. The Facebook gamer has no such self awareness. They think they've discovered something truly amazing, as though gaming was invented the very second they began playing FarmVille. At first we politely ignore them. But it's difficult to ignore the ignorant for long.
Your cavalcade of phony Facebook friends will also notify you of other amazingly fun games they have discovered. Such as Bejeweled, which was obviously invented 18 months ago. They are really good at it, and will post their score to corroborate their claim. Can you beat it? Tee hee. I can hardly wait until they "discover" other new games on Facebook such as Space Invaders or Pac-Man. But that could be a long time coming, as there is a secret dark side to Facebook and the games it plays.
Facebook has a deal with game developer Zynga. The details of this sweetheart deal have not been entirely disclosed, but according to research, Zynga has a monopoly on the social network. Third-party developers are not particularly welcome at this time, so you can expect more of the same crap on Facebook for many years to come.
Zynga is aiming at the lowest common denominator, and they can't miss on Facebook. In case you are unaware, games such as CityVille and FarmVille attempt to generate income from players. At the basic level, the games are free to play, but if you are an idiot and become addicted, there are many ways for you to spend actual money on the game. And there are many that do. That money is then distributed to Zynga and Facebook. Both parties know how to get blood from a stone. The philosophy behind such Facebook games is continual, persistent play. Games are not structured to have a winner, therefore no one can beat the game which may cause them to discontinue playing it.
This partnership works well for Facebook and Zynga, and they will continue to exploit your friends for at least four more years, until this contract (or unholy alliance as I call it) expires. That's why we won't see games such as Space Invader or Pac-Man any time soon. According to your friends, they haven't been invented yet.
Out of sight, out of mind. To avoid any further frustration, delete those offending FarmVille-playing Facebook friends. They won't miss you anyway. Eventually they'll find another mad-at-the-world gamer such as yourself in FarmVille.
By Cole Smith
CCC Senior Contributing Writer
*The views expressed within this article are solely the opinion of the author and do not express the views held by Cheat Code Central. This week's is also purely a work of fiction*