Don't
feel bad 2K games, I haven't played a decent Summer
Olympics game either. by
Cole Smith
January
30, 2006 - It's
been four years since I had to suffer through an abysmal
Olympic Winter Game videogame. If you can believe
it, things are even worse in Torino than what when
down in Salt Lake City back in 2002.
Games
fashioned after Olympic events are typically a letdown.
They are more like souvenirs of the event than actual
games. There are only eight of them and I've played
mini-games that have more depth. The fact that this
game is selling for less than $20 is almost an up-front
apology from the developers. Take the apology and
leave the game in the bin.

There
haven't been any Olympic arcade games of note since
the invention of Pong. Consequently we don't expect
much - and we don't get much either. Considering how
well developed the racing and snowboarding genres
are it would seem almost impossible not to make a
good Winter Olympic game. Transfer the racing mechanics
to the bobsleigh and luge and the snowboarding to
downhill skiing we should have a great variety of
competitions on hand. The developers did manage to
get the speed skating and cross country skiing mechanics
down by having the player mash alternate buttons to
generate enough speed to be maintained by a rhythmical,
consistent tapping of the two buttons. This imitates
the motion of the left and right leg and is the only
control system that has an actual feel to it. Different
intervals between presses are required for straightways
and curves. You'll need long strides to gain speed
on the straightways and you'll have to tighten things
up when taking a corner. You can sense when you're
getting out of synch and take measures to get back
on track.
Not
only are there very few events, but some of the ones
that do appear in this game are repeated. Cross-country
skiing is included in no less than three different
events including the Nordic and Biathlon. What's the
difference between the bobsleigh and the luge? According
to this game, not much. In both events you shoot yourself
off like a plunger hitting a pinball. Press the button
at the appropriate time to generate the most power
and your sled will snake its way through icy channels.
The analog stick allows you to move to the right or
left to avoid hitting the walls. The control system
is more reactive than proactive. It's really difficult
to anticipate the direction of your sled and you'll
usually make your moves after you hit the wall a time
or two. The controls are about as effective as trying
to influence a bowling ball after it's left your hand
by contorting your body.

To
answer the question, "What's the difference between
the bobsleigh and a luge?" Your men can move
left and right in the bobsleigh. If it weren't so
pathetic it would almost sound like a joke - which
I guess it is in a way.
Alpine
skiing has none of the excitement of Amped but compared
to most of the games presented here it's probably
one of the most fun. The controls are simplified but
at least the scenery changes as you head downhill
to swerve among the flags and reach the bottom as
fast as you can. With the controls, you crouch your
character down and guide him or her left or right
through the series of flags on the slope. The faster
you can carve the more speed you will build up. If
you miss a flag you'll lose points. Regardless of
how bad you're doing at in any particular event, you
can't stop it and start over.
Ski
Jumping is exiting for a few minutes but once you
get the hang of the system, it's all downhill from
there. You must learn to maintain your balance and
generate as much speed as you can before you launch
yourself into the air to gain the most distance. Once
in the air you have to be concerned with your descent.
It's crucial to learn the exact spot where to anticipate
to put your skis on the ground. Expect to do a few
face plants at first but it's relatively easy to learn.
Once you conquer it the only challenge will be to
beat the best time. As with all of the competitions,
the results are based on time. If you really want
to go for the gold, you'll have to replay these games
until you're blue in the face. They say practice makes
perfect but in this case it makes me sick.

Cross-country
skiing relies on a stamina meter. Your ability to
regulate the meter accordingly is the key to winning
the event. You can push your character by expending
stamina but when you run out he or she will be sucking
wind. On the other hand you can use the stamina conservatively
but you'll probably wind up eating snow dust. It's
an imaginative game but it's short on longevity. The
races are long and you just won't feel motivated to
get into many more of them although you are forced
to, as a few other events require some partial cross-country
skiing activities.
With
no opening or closing ceremonies, or otherwise flashy
presentation, the game is as boring to look at as
it is to play. Granted, the graphics look good when
static but the animation, especially of the characters,
is stiff and choppy. It looks like the Special Olympics
for Rusted Tinmen. The commentary is delivered in
a flat, boring tone that would make Leonard Cohen
sound exciting. (See: Obscure references 101) Not
only are the announcements stale sounding, but they
provide nothing in terms of information, only vague
and arbitrary comments - many of them reduced to one
word. And if that wasn't enough, they are repeated
endlessly. The crowd sounds are also on a loop and
abruptly kick in and out like a comedy skit gag. It's
just too bad there's nothing intentionally funny about
this game.
Up
to four players can take part in this virtual Winter
Olympics but they all have to be in the same room
since there is no online play. Pulling out a copy
of Torino 2006 is a great way to get your friends
to leave your house at the end of a day.
By
Cole Smith
CCC
Senior Writer
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