Time Warp Again?

Time Warp Again?


A company has found an interesting new way to maximize your gaming time—by simulating a time warp. You will have the feeling of having spent an entire evening gaming when, in reality, only half an hour has passed. Think of all the time you’ll save to play more games.

Time dilation is the difference in perceived elapsed time between two independent observers. This phenomenon is rooted deep in Einstein’s theory of relativity.

Dali’s Clox is the company responsible for the Time Warp, an ingenious development that seems to slow down time for the gamer. “In order for us to slow down time,” says company director Hank Cornnobble, “we must speed up everything around it. That’s the basis of relativity; everything is relative. What our system does is increase brainwave activity up to 75 percent. Games are then sped up to accommodate the faster brain processing so that everything is even and balanced.” The interesting thing is that the player won’t notice anything irregular, but it will be incredibly obvious to anyone watching.

Unfortunately, it won’t work on household chores. Cornnobble explains, “This entire process only works on interactive digital input information, which is essentially a video game. It doesn’t appear to work on anything else.”

The Time Warp works by increasing the amplitude of brain waves. This is achieved through electronic stimulation using electrodes placed on either side of the ear. These electrodes exude a frequency specifically tuned to mimic brain wave stimulation. The Time Warp slowly increases the modulation, causing brainwaves to become larger and faster. This kicks the brain into overdrive, allowing the gamer to watch, listen, anticipate, and respond at an incredibly high speed.

Cornnobble says there is no danger to this system. He explains that while his company’s system stimulates and simulates brainwave activity, it’s a naturally occurring phenomenon.

“Our brain goes into a higher state during sleep, especially during the REM phase. That’s when our subconscious takes over,” Cornnobble claims.

“Our dreams only last a few seconds, but they seem to take place in real time. It’s because our brains are working fast. It all relates to relativity. Although we’ve perfected The Time Warp system, I would be remiss if I didn’t mention we are hard at work on reducing the side effects. Our sincerest condolences to the families of our brave beta testers. No one died, of course, but now they have to do everything at triple the speed. It’s really annoying.”

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