Over cigars and coffee at a chic New York City coffee shop, Link, the star of the ever-popular Legend of Zelda series, shared his vehement disgust over the Aqua Teen Hunger Force movie set to debut tonight. The movie is spawned from the popular Adult Swim television program and has been a cult favorite. Yet, the movie is now seeing critical acclaim with Robert Redford’s recent request that the movie be considered for a Sundance Film Festival award.
“I’ve been working since 1986 – twenty-one years – and I’ve seen a lot of bad stuff, but this is some of the worst garbage I’ve ever seen,” Link fumed while sipping his americano. “I don’t know what Redford was thinking. These are guys are a bunch of unintelligent morons. I’ve met them you know. And you know what Master Shake did when he found out about the Sundance nomination? He started dancing like an Indian. Yeah, an Indian! He thought the Sundance Festival was some Indian tribal festival or something. Meatwad joined in on this moronic dance, and then Frylock stopped them both. Out of all those guys, I thought he was the one to have an ounce of sense. But then he told them that they can’t be nominated for a Sundance award because they aren’t Indians! Yeah, I’m not making this up! He told Master Shake and Meatwad that whoever had told the Sundance Festival they were Indians needed to ‘fess up. At this point, I just got on my horse and left. I couldn’t believe these guys!”
When asked whom he thought should win a Sundance award, Link rolled his eyes. “You know, I’ve been in this industry longer than Paris Hilton’s been alive. Doesn’t all my hard work get some recognition, eh? I just put out the best game of 2006, and Robert Redford doesn’t even bat an eye. And the Aqua Teen guys whose graphics aren’t nearly as good as mine and whose film is only 87 minutes whereas my game is over forty hours – and that doesn’t include the replay value – and I get nothing. I think I should have that goshdarn nomination.”
At this point, Link stormed out of the coffee shop in anger and rode away on his horse. But I’m sure that’s not the last we’ll be seeing on him.
*This article is presented as an exclusive Cheat Code Central feature titled “Are you dumb enough to believe this?” Please check back each Friday for the newest edition.