Mobot*

Utilizing the power of the PlayStation Vita, Mobot turns you into a mobile robot by targeting and stimulating nerve receptors in your brain. Tiny electrical impulses stimulate neurons to make various muscles contract and expand to a series of programmed moves. With absolutely no talent, no lessons, and no practice, you can perform complex choreographies like a professional with the touch of a button. Jump like Jordan and move like Jaggar with Mobot.

Mobot is a great motivator for exercising. Even if you don’t feel like it, Mobot will activate your body automatically. You don’t even have to think about it, Mobot will do everything for you. One of the greatest features of Mobot is that you can exercise in your sleep. You won’t feel a thing. Simply set the timer for the wee hours of the morning, and you’ll awake refreshed and ripped. There’s nothing like it.

Choose from more than a hundred presets, from ballet dancing to break dancing and everything in between. Mobot gets your body in motion safely and professionally. Hundreds of athletes and entertainers have been motion captured with X-ray cameras as they perform their highly trained routines. The X-ray cameras allow the computer to see the exact movement of each muscle. These movements are then processed into a series of electrical signals arranged on a grid.

With the included backpack, the Vita is worn on the back, where it will not interfere with most moves. The “brain bag” is worn on the head. It’s similar to a shower cap, and contains the electrodes that transfer commands to the Primary Motor Cortex of the brain.

“It’s preposterous to presume the Mobot can turn ordinary citizens into soldiers in a killer army against their will,” developer Fatwa (Billy) Mohammad says. “That was never our intention, although that may explain the three million advanced orders from Iran.”

“I have personally beta tested Mobot,” says former Cheat CC CEO Arty Hackery. “My wife is a computer programmer. She fiddled with it, and once she figured it out she tried it on me. I was unable to perform any dance moves. Instead I found myself doing the dishes, taking out the garbage, painting the garage, taking money out of the local ATM and handing it over to my wife, signing divorce proceedings, shaving my head and wearing diapers to work, driving my car off an embankment, and appearing on the news after being involved in a slow-speed chase on a unicycle with a flat tire. And the reason for the diaper is that I have no control over my bodily functions anymore.”

When asked if it is possible to tamper with or reprogram modes on the Mobot in such a manner, Mohammad replied that only terrorists or scorned women would be devious enough to pull off a stunt like that.