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In an effort to dominate the world market, several top video game companies have merged with the plan to create a hybrid mascot composed of elements of each company’s most treasured icons. The result will be a Frankenstein-like character that will share attributes of some of the most famous gaming mascots in the world. Nintendo, Sega, Sony, and Midway are putting their collective heads together, along with some other virtual body parts, and have created a new iconic mascot composed from parts of Mario, Sonic, Crash Bandicoot, and Pac-Man. The resulting character has been named Marionic Cootman. A new video game starring the recently created character is being developed and should be available this summer. “We are very proud of Marionic Cootman,” says mascot-melding organizing chairperson Metro Voyer. “He is going to be the biggest, greatest, and most famous character in the world. We already have a theme park in development. He’s going to do for us what Mickey Mouse did for Walt Disney, and I don’t mean to kill and freeze him in a cryogenic chamber.” Back in the 80s the most popular video game character was Pac-Man. Inspired by a pizza with one slice missing, Pac-Man was simplicity personified. A colourful and easily identifiable symbol, he was perfect for the limited graphics of the day. After the incredible leap in technology, Mario was born. The workingman’s hero, Mario the plumber was rendered virtually flawlessly when he made his first appearance in Donkey Kong. He went on to become the most famous mascot in gaming history; that is until Sonic came along. That hedgehog with an attitude helped launch the Genesis and put Sega on the world stage. But even Sonic couldn’t hold on to fame and fortune forever. The PS2 revolutionized the industry, and along with it came Crash Bandicoot leading the pack. These were the golden years of video games. Now these characters are attempting to relive those glory days and reclaim their waning popularity, as they become one. Marionic Cootman is an insurance salesman, with an attitude. His Mario persona allows him to gain the trust of the common man. In an effort to make a sale, he can conjure the Sonic speed feature to deliver his pitch at an incredible pace; twisting, turning, jumping, and always veering away from the truth. With his client dazzled and dazed, he uses his Crash Bandicoot abilities to move in for the kill and close the deal. His insatiable appetite for more money is fuelled by his Pac-Man pedigree, and soon he’s off gobbling up more deals. “We feel the need to create a very conservative Marionic Cootman character,” Voyer explains, “Something that everyone can relate to. Who can relate to a yellow dot or punked-out porcupine? Marionic Cootman is a very real character in a very real world. Reality TV is big. We think this is now. It’s what’s happening. He’s going to be bigger than the Beatles, Donald Trump, and Harvey Birdman,” Voyer boasts. *This article is presented as an exclusive Cheat Code Central feature titled “Are you dumb enough to believe this?” Please check back each Friday for the newest edition. |