We have all seen a ton of “boob-a-rific” articles about hot chicks this or sexiest girls that, but rarely do we see one about the smart girls in video games. They’re out there, and some of them are every bit as smoking hot as the usual drivel that we see in all the rest of the eleventy-billion ‘hot chick’ countdowns out there. So this time, it’s important that they are hot. However, more important than that, they actually have to have something going on between their ears and not just from the space below the chin to above the feet somewhere. We know we didn’t get them all; we only had ten spots. But truth be told, there are a great many more out there. These just happen to be our favorites. So unlike the Juliet Starling-Morrigan-DOA-girls countdowns, we give you the best ten ‘total packages’ of smart and sexy.
Faith Connors (Mirror’s Edge)
Faith starts our countdown for being both sexy and smart. She has not only the street savvy of a “runner” in her world, but she also has the political wherewithal to know what needs to be done in order to stop a totalitarian regime from continuing to enforce peace through mockery and the feint of order. She tries her best to show the people that it’s okay to want a peaceful world, but it’s not okay to sacrifice your very freedom in the pursuit of that peace. Then you top her off with the fact that she is an insane practitioner of parkour, and you have the recipe for one seriously awesome lady.
Cammy (Street Fighter Series)
Appearing first as a British Special Forces operative, she is shown to possess a very strong aptitude for gathering intelligence. But before joining up with the Brits, she was an agent of Shadaloo and an intelligence officer for none other than M. Bison. So she proves without a doubt that she possesses not only smarts, but real-world smarts as well. She was smart enough to work her way up in Shadaloo. Then she was smart enough to get away from the organization without being shipped out in a black box. She then signed on with a world military superpower as a special operations soldier–all while being able to maintain her total irreverence for uniforms…which is fine with us.
Alyx Vance (The Half-Life Series)
Alyx is another one of those savant characters that we wish were hanging around in the real world. She’s freaking smart. I mean, she improved Dog to his giant size and monstrous strength proportions all by herself after her dad built her the prototype. She had a hand in building the gravity gun and is no stranger to combat. So it’s obvious that she’s got some smarts going on. Then the best part happens; she starts covering your ass and picking enemies off like they are nothing as you try and work your way through City 17. Alyx is most definitely the ‘total package’ kind of girl.
Aya Brea (The Parasite Eve Series)
No one gets into the NYPD by being a dumbass. Even if they did, certainly no real dumbass ever made it to the rank of detective in the NYPD. And certainly no one has ever been able to rock torn up clothes quite like Aya Brea. So she has some smarts, and she was smart enough to stay alive while facing a threat unlike anything that NYC had ever seen before. She kept her cool when the entire group of patrons at Carnegie Hall suddenly burst into flames. She kept her wits about her while facing the Neo-Mitochondrial Creatures all over the city. Her steel-headed resolve was nothing short of heroic when she squared off against Eve. This chick does it all…and does so in the hottest pair of stonewashed, ripped-up jeans we have ever seen.
Eva (Metal Gear Solid 3)
Another beauty of the military intelligence community graces our countdown. Eva was raised in a secret facility and taught to become a sleeper agent that could be activated at any time for any country needed. She was trained in the ways of the Philosopher’s “Charm School,” and was educated in the ways of intelligence gathering. She has a super-high tolerance for pain–as evidenced by the abuse she takes from Russian Colonel Volgin. She is a badass on a motorcycle and her ‘bandit shot’ with her Shanxi Type 17 handgun makes the gunplay that Ocelot gets in MGS3 look like kiddie stuff. Then there’s that moment when she comes slinking out of that set of coveralls while Snake acts like he’s not trying to look. All of those scores add up to snag her a spot in our countdown.
KOSMOS (The Xenosaga Series)
The first of our super-computer hotties, KOSMOS is intensely smart due to her programming and extensive testing. She is also extremely skilled in the ways of combat–both armed and unarmed. Above all that, she is a constantly morphing, self-aware robot who has an unquenchable thirst for knowledge and understanding. She is constantly trying to understand those around her and yet maintain the objectivity laid forth in her programming and protocols. But when the chips are down and the battle is raging, there isn’t another character in the series that you would want with you in a firefight. Except maybe Ziggy…but KOSMOS is much less caustic to our eyes.
Cortana (The Halo Series)
So she may be a little dodgy these days. What woman isn’t really? But honestly, the only woman that has ever had shot at being with Master Chief is the one woman he can’t have…well, not physically anyway. But he’s a super-freakin’-cyborg-killer anyway, so why would he need the companionship of a smokin’ hot woman? Oh yeah, to keep him from going bats#!t crazy in the middle of combat and just blowing everyone away so he could go home and chill and watch the game. She’s obviously intelligent because she has absorbed the information from the UNSC databases, the Halo itself and even melded on some level with Gravemind. So she has a lot of info in the pretty little blue head of hers.
Commander “Jane” Shepard (Mass Effect Series)
After being given the choice to remold the Shepard character as we saw fit in Mass Effect 2 , we never really went back to playing as a male Shepard anymore. Everything just seemed so much more visceral with Jane. Whether you played as the perfect paragon soldier or a complete, raging a-hole everything was just better with Jane Shepard. That, and there’s just something super hot about seeing a female do the things that were once reserved only for the super badass John Shepard in the original Mass Effect title. It’s just rare that we see a character with such political savvy, relational skills and combat prowess as the main protagonist in games anymore. It’s always about how much skin they show and how jiggly they are while doing whatever it is they do. So good on you, EA. Your endings may suck, but adding the Jane Shepard option was pure gold.
Lara Croft (Tomb Raider)
As I have stated before, I am going to pretend like the original Tomb Raider games never happened. After playing the latest entry, I want to always remember the Lara Croft that I got to watch grow into an amazingly strong and self-aware woman. I could honestly care less about the pre-pubescent fantasy meets Indiana Jones predecessors. The ‘new’ Lara exudes weakness at first. She is limited by her book knowledge but lack of experience in the field. But as the story progresses, you see her putting the vast amounts of facts she has locked away in that head of hers to good use. She also is a vastly more attractive and all too real looking adaptation of what was once just some young gamer’s dream girl. She has evolved into a force to be reckoned with and we can’t wait to see what she gets into next.
Harley Quinn (Batman: Arkham Origins)
For those of you who have never delved any deeper into the backstory of Harley Quinn beyond when she changed into that super sexy costume she has now, you may have missed the fact that she was formerly a doctor of psychology working at Arkham Asylum to try and help profile and then subsequently rehabilitate the inmates of the facility. The hope was that the gifted young doctor could help the rest of the staff begin to understand these criminals so that they would, in turn, be able to ‘fix’ them and possibly even reintegrate them into society. But one day she met a man called the Joker. That’s when everything changed and she became the looney, sex-crazed, malice-filled cupcake we all know and love. That is why she rounds out the countdown for us. She was an incredibly brilliant psychologist who, like all masters, met her match and fell prey to the whims of the stronger mind. Oh, and she’s super hot to boot, a trait that is all but lost on anyone at all but the Joker.