Counterfeit Intelligence*

Counterfeit Intelligence*


Counterfeit products are nothing new, but lately the Chinese have turned it into an art form, an art form responsible for a large part of its Gross National Product. Now Americans have turned the tables, producing counterfeit versions of the Chinese counterfeits. And it’s all legal.

No gaming system is safe from counterfeiting. These games and systems are widely available for a fraction of the price of the real thing. These cheap knockoffs are rife with inferior components and shoddy workmanship. But they look good, and they’re cheap.

To manufacture and sell these units, the Chinese slightly alter the appearance, construction, and name of the unit to avoid patent infringement. And until recently they have been extremely successful in this legal but unethical export of counterfeit merchandise.

China’s success has led to a financial revolution of sorts where workers and the government demand more money from these companies. It’s no longer cheaper to manufacture in China. These counterfeit gaming systems are almost as expensive as the originals.

Enter America.

With a staggering unemployment rate, downturned economy, and countless closed and abandoned factories, America has all the hallmarks of a third-world country. Which makes it perfect for manufacturing counterfeit Chinese gaming systems.

It’s a perfectly legal enterprise, since the American manufacturers will only be counterfeiting the cheap Chinese counterfeit systems, which have been altered the requisite ten percent to avoid copyright and patent infringement.

“Paying American workers thirty cents an hour to start, with the possibility of management consideration in six months, is a great business opportunity for us,” says Vlada Impaler of Knock-it-Off Inc. “Our products are cheaper, and they are American made. And since they’re based on cheap Chinese counterfeits, nobody is expecting any kind of quality. For less than fifty bucks you can have a XXX Box, a PS Too, or a Nine-Ten-Doh BS.”

Former Cheat CC CEO Arty Hackery shares his experience:

“I hired one of these illegal Chinese immigrant counterfeiters to renovate my kitchen a few weeks ago. Nothing fits. It looks like something from another planet. Then I had him build me some counters with enclosures. He made four different versions, all of them wrong. Exasperated, I didn’t want him to make anything else, so I just told give me the closed-end counters of the third kind. Damn aliens.”

By Cole Smith

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