Nintendo Wants To Watch the World Burn. The Yarn Yoshi Amiibo is Here.


Nintendo Wants To Watch the World Burn. The Yarn Yoshi Amiibo is Here.

We have to set some ground rules. The only way we’re all going to survive this is if we establish guidelines immediately. Yesterday’s Nintendo Direct wasn’t just some fanciful trumpeting of games people are going to want to play and enjoy. It was a battle cry. An arms race is about to begin, and it’s all because of the Yarn Yoshi Amiibo.

Did you see that thing? Look at it. It is a stuffed Yoshi made entirely of yarn. This is a physical yarn Yoshi that is identical to the characters in Yoshi’s Woolly World . Did you prepare for this? I certainly wasn’t ready.

Regular Amiibos? Sure. We can handle that. NFC figures are all the rage. We expect them. Amiibo cards? Okay. That makes sense. They’ll be easier to collect and store. I mean, there’s only so much space on our shelves. Perhaps it won’t even be as difficult to find them as it is to find the figures. But miniature Yoshis, at their very cutest? No. This is too much.

It’s clear now. Nintendo wants to watch the world burn. A cleansing is at hand.

Hence the need for the rules. We want to try and be as civilized as possible about this. So, here’s my plan. Are you ready for this? It’s a good one.

Stop looking up any news about the Yarn Yoshi Amiibo. Don’t bother trying to bookmark websites or search for pre-orders. Like, pretend the Yarn Yoshi Amiibo don’t exist.

What I’m going to do, out of the goodness of my heart, is let you know when they’re available. I’ll go ahead and do all the refreshing and scouring of the internet. You all go ahead and relax. Be cool. It’ll be great. I’ll do all the work.

Then, after I’ve found (and of course pre-ordered) the three different colored Yarn Yoshi Amiibos, I’ll let you all know where they are. See? Doesn’t that system sound great? You know, everybody wins and whatnot?

Of course, everyone (other than me) will be restricted to one Yarn Yoshi Amiibo per person. We have to be fair and all.

Nintendo Wants To Watch the World Burn. The Yarn Yoshi Amiibo is Here.

Now, you’re probably wondering if this all seems a little self serving. I mean, it is attempting to coerce a large number of people into not searching for what will undoubtedly be one of the hottest Amiibos out there. It would be easy to see it as such. But I assure you, this isn’t just about attempting to get an edge so I can get at least one, maybe two, Yarn Yoshi Amiibos for myself. Perish the thought! It’s about… well… the opposite of that!



Anyways, I guess what I’m saying is, be prepared when it comes to the Yarn Yoshi Amiibos. Have a plan. Because these little guys are going to go fast.

(Author’s Note: In case you didn’t all catch on, this was a joke.)

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