None
Recently, strange sounds have been heard around the world. From Russia to Australia, Argentina to Canada, and all points in between, reports of loud, ungodly sounds emanating from the skies have been reported. Numerous examples of this phenomenon have been captured and uploaded to YouTube. Countless local news stations have featured these bizarre audio anomalies. People are concerned. The descriptions of the sounds are varied. Incredibly loud moans, static, continuous thunder, discordant drones, choirs, and trumpets are some of the sounds comprising the cacophony. Alarmed citizens are becoming increasingly paranoid, citing aliens and the 2012 end-of-the-world scenario as causes. Environmentalists claim it’s the ailing Earth itself warning us of our indifference toward nature. Investigating the phenomenon for the past month, a team of research scientists have solved the mystery. The strange sounds are caused by video games. Known as Multiple Wave Amplitude Integration, this phenomenon is a result of thousands of video games being played online at once, with the signals converging in varying regions. The signals, transmitted through telephone and cable wire, combine with each other, increasing in size and strength (amplitude and modulation) until they can no longer be contained within a cable. The strange noises are actual video game sound waves amplified. These sound waves combine to form one large, low frequency wave which escapes from the cable. This large sound wave is then carried via airwaves and distributed in audible form through the immediate region. This large sound wave is an amalgam of many different frequencies, heard as an overtone. This is why you don’t hear specific, distinguishable sounds such as a Mario theme or Madden’s voice bellowing, “That’s big time football!” “This is an example of a seemingly strange phenomenon that has a simple explanation,” says Ernest Durb, head scientist on the investigation team. “Then there’s the case of the tic-tac-toe playing chicken that always wins. That, we don’t understand. But that little bugger always gets the best of me. But after a hard day of investigating strange noises, we decided to have chicken wings. So I guess he finally lost after all.” Derb advises gamers to stagger their online sessions to early afternoons and late, late evenings so as to alleviate the intensity of phenomenon. “If all gamers were to concentrate their online sessions between the hours of 8–9 PM, the noises would be unbearable. It would scare the living heck out of people,” Derb warns. “I suppose I shouldn’t have said that.” By Cole Smith |