Accordion Hero On The Way?*

Accordion Hero On The Way?*


The makers of Guitar Hero and Guitar Hero 2 are expanding their musical vocabulary to reach an untapped market with the release of Accordion Hero. It’s hoped that Accordion Hero will reach an entire demographic of uber nerds.

Managing Director, Rolf Moog, claims that there are more than 10 million accordion players on the planet. “We want to tap into that market. A lot of these accordionists are typically shy, nerdy people with low self-esteem. It doesn’t help that most of them are fat and ugly. I’m not sure if playing the accordion makes them that way, or if it just attracts such people. In any case, we want to make the accordion players of the world proud of their choice. Even if their parents forced them to play it with threats of exercise and servings of vegetables with their schnitzels.

A peripheral accordion controller will be sold as part of the Accordion Hero package. Standard accordions can’t be used, so that the developers can charge more money for the game. The accordion controller is similar to the guitar from Guitar Hero. It’s plastic, red, compact, and sports a real cool decal of Lawrence Welk making the devil horn sign. But there’s something else that sets this accordion controller apart from a regular accordion.

“The accordion controller, or the Acorn, as we call it, does not have the same bellows apparatus which folds and expands as you push and pull it,” explains Moog. “We have found that overweight accordion players tend to get their stomachs pinched by the ribs on the bellows. You may also notice that there are few women accordionist. This is because they get other things caught and pinched in the bellows. I don’t think I have to tell you what, but it’s not their moustaches.”

The compression action is performed by a cylindrical-shaped tube housed inside a clear Plexiglas body. You can watch the tube move back and forth, as it is constructed with accordion folds much like a dryer hose, but no part of the anatomy will get caught in it.

The premise of the gameplay is similar to Guitar Hero. Players strap on their accordions and press the various buttons in time to the music and various images and icons that appear onscreen. As everyone knows, there are tons of buttons on an accordion and the Acorn is no exception. There are 101 different keys and buttons to press. The music is ethnic-based; mostly polkas from the Old Country. At the conclusion of each successful level, a sweet old lady will give you a slice of pie and some smoked meat. Those that complete the game will be able to choose from a girlfriend, a boyfriend, or just a friend.

“A guy left an expensive accordion in his car while he ran into a shopping center for a quick minute. When he returned, he noticed that his window was smashed. As he peered inside the car, he noticed there were two more accordions inside,” joked Moog. “As funny as the joke is, it just serves as an example of the negative connotations associated with the accordion. With Accordion Hero we are going to turn that squeeze box into something less crappy.”

*This article is presented as an exclusive Cheat Code Central feature titled “Are you dumb enough to believe this?” Please check back each Friday for the newest edition.

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