Battleship Movie Gets A Video Game

Battleship Movie Gets A Video Game


Every time I see a trailer for Universal Studios’ upcoming Battleship movie, I’m forced to wonder how a movie studio can continue to operate when none of the executives have even a single working brain cell among them.

Here are a few facts about the movie:

  • America hasn’t had a Battleship in it’s fleet for almost 20 years.

  • Universal decided not to make a movie about a historical battle like Leyte Gulf, arguably the largest naval battle in history, which had something like 30 battleships in it.

  • Instead, they made a movie about modern day battleships fighting aliens. Yup, aliens.

    So, apparently the people at Universal Studios are either too illiterate to type the word “Battleship” into Google’s search bar, or they don’t have a ton of respect for the American people’s attention span.

    Either way, the entire scenario just got exponentially worse, because Activision just announced that they will be creating a video game based on the movie based on the board game.

    “With a Battleship video game, we have an amazing opportunity to take our beloved property and give it a modern-day spin,” said Mark Blecher, Hasbro’s Senior Vice President and General Manager of Digital Media and Marketing. “The merging of tactical and action elements immerses players in an epic maritime conflict. Activision is completely up to the task of delivering a high-intensity thrill ride that’s perfectly suited for today’s console owners.”

    By “modern-day” he must mean “a fantasy world where we use outdated weaponry to fight aliens for some reason.”

    Activision’s press release doesn’t exactly make the game sound any more intelligent:

    “Battleship follows elite demolitions specialist Cole Mathis as he clashes against an aquatic-based extraterrestrial peril in the sand and sea of the beautiful Hawaiian archipelago. Trapped in a veritable communications dead zone, Mathis must command the U.S. Navy fleet in a ‘siege on the sea,’ while simultaneously rallying the troops on land for a terrifying ‘war on the shore.'”

    By Josh Engen

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