Are You Stupid: New Sensations

Are You Stupid: New Sensations


Based on more than three decades of research and experimentation, gaming developers, scientists, and medical technicians have literally created a new sensation.

New Sensations is a gaming peripheral that lets you feel what you’re playing. By stimulating areas of the brain electronically, emotions and physical sensations can be simulated. When Bluto gives you a shot right in the kisser, it will feel like a real punch but without any physical damage.

Neurologists have completed mapping the human brain. They now know exactly what areas elicit specific responses. Stimulating the front of the hippocampus region, for instance, will generate a feeling of fear. Stimulation in the center of the cerebral cortex feels like getting kicked in the gut. By using electrodes to send impulses to these regions, scientists can play the human brain like a musical instrument, with feeling.

“After all, the human brain is an organ,” chuckles neurologist Archie Bishop. “We stimulate our own brains a million times a minute, but now we’re able to stimulate other peoples’ brains outside of a laboratory, and without a doctor present. New Sensations will trigger a variety of emotions such as joy, laughter, sadness, fright, depression, anxiety, and confusion. The physical sensations are virtually endless, including punches, kicks, jabs, caresses, kisses, and pushes. All this and no scars,” Bishop adds.

New Sensations requires an electrode-equipped helmet and a high-powered computer system to run the program. The developers insist the proper sized helmet be used as it’s crucial the electrodes line up to the corresponding areas of the brain. Extensive testing is still required before the system can be made available.

“We want the public to know this invention poses no mental or physical dangers,” Bishops states. “It’s just electro-chemical reactions, a natural process occurring in your brain as you read these words. You may laugh so hard that you’ll cry, or you may get so scared you piss your pants, but that’s the worse that will happen. I know it’s been said before, but this is an experience that will revolutionize the entertainment industry,” Bishop concludes.

“And I would like to clear something up right now,” Bishop adds. “Tests are not being conducted on prisoners of war, the criminally insane or cub scouts. These are nothing more than urban legends. I would really like to give these rumormongers a piece of my mind.”

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