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A promotional appearance by what was alleged to be Iron Man from the blockbuster movie of last year turned ugly when irate fans claimed the character was a cheap forgery. Reports indicate that seventy people were hospitalized due to the ensuing riot. Property damage is estimated to exceed two million dollars. What started out as a fun, family event at Six Flags in St. Louis turned to horror for thousands that were gathered to see Iron Man make a personal appearance. Creator Stan Lee was on hand to address the fans and introduce Iron Man. It was promised that Iron Man would walk through the crowd, sign autographs and give demonstrations of his incredible suit, including shooting rockets from his hands, and flying over the theme park. Some fans claim they camped out for days waiting for a chance to see their idol come to life, but were ultimately disappointed with what they saw. “I came to see Iron Man,” huffs a disgruntled fan, “But instead I saw Garbage Man. That suit looked like a spray-painted hockey outfit. The guy wearing the suit was just over five-feet tall and smelled like garlic, cigars and cabbage. He wore a stupid bicycle helmet and spoke English like a New York City cab driver.” Stan Lee claims that he didn’t intend to mislead fans, but the actual Iron Man suit was chewed by badgers the previous night when it was left outside to dry after some paint touch ups. Lee said they didn’t want to disappoint fans so they attempted to assemble a mock version of the suit using whatever supplies they could find at their hotel. “When we finally did concoct a suit we introduced him to the crowd as Irony Man,” Lee chuckles. “We thought that fans would get the joke, but apparently we’ve overestimated our American audience. They sure aren’t as smart as those Canadians let me tell you. We pulled that gag in Winnipeg and they just loved it. We’re even thinking of making an Irony Man comic book, but only to be released in Canada,” Lee adds. “I’m from Old Country,” claims Metro Kshywiecki who played Irony Man, “I don’t know from superheros. They pay me, I put on outfit. I had a few drinks, but there was no way to make toilet with that suit on, so I stinked like pee a bit. Maybe I shouldn’t grab the girls’ bottoms so much, but I didn’t think to make riot,” Kshywiecki adds. Six Flags manager Derb Danielson says that he’s never seen a crowd react so violently. He claims that there was literally, “Clouds of fists and rivers of blood.” He goes on to explain that he believes the crowd wasn’t upset with Irony Man so much, but were angered by the comments Stan Lee made about the Americans being dumber than Canadians. “It was obvious that Stan had been drinking,” Danelson says. “He wasn’t even wearing pants. And he was just goading the crowd on. He’s lucky they didn’t kill him. Stan, Irony Man and his cast of asinine cartoon characters are no longer welcome in Six Flags, and quite possibly America,” Danelson states angrily. *This article is presented as an exclusive Cheat Code Central feature titled “Are you dumb enough to believe this?” Please check back each Friday for the newest edition. |