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It’s something that obese gamers have known for decades. Fatty foods equals better gaming skills. Overweight gamers have a definite advantage when it comes to gaming than their trim and anxious counterparts. It’s demonstrated that chubby gamers are more able to concentrate, since their bodies aren’t constantly looking for ways to burn off nervous energy. Dr. Nwebly (pronounced: Nwably), states, “Healthier looking kids aren’t necessarily healthy. It’s typically the trim ones that suffer from attention deficit disorder, which makes it difficult for them to concentrate when playing video games. It also makes them more irritating and prone to getting smacked.”
Dr. Nwebly goes on to say, “If you want to be good at gaming, you’ve got to calm down and center yourself. Nothing does this better than being fat.” The doctor says that by adding cheeseburgers, fries, milkshakes, and corndogs to one’s diet is the key to improved gaming. “Once you have trained your body not to respond to physical challenges such as sports, or even walking to the store, your mind will magically begin to sharpen. It’s like trapping it inside the belly of a whale. There isn’t much else for it to do.”
We all know that the best gamers in the world are overweight, and they don’t have girlfriends. Girlfriends steal time away from gaming. Fat guys don’t get the girls, so they always have more time to dedicate to gaming. The best way to get fat is to eat junk food and play video games. Not only will you get a lot more practice, but with less physical exercise, you’ll help turn that junk food into fat in record time, thus expediting the cycle that contributes to the cultivation of great gaming skills. And let’s not forget how snatching French Fries out of a container contributes to eye-hand coordination which is so important in gaming.
“I know that I’m overweight,” explains gaming journalist Tweedles Finnegan, “but no one judges me online, especially when I kick their butts. I can even talk to girls online if I choose. At least I think they’re girls, even though the return e-mail addresses can be traced to Federal correction institutes” he sighs.
Psychologist Uben Willknot, states that the insecurity many children experience as a result of their obesity can be overcome by their accomplishments in gaming. “Gaming plays a very important role in the culture of our youth right now. Those that are gifted are revered, much like Sumo wrestlers in
*This article is presented as an exclusive Cheat Code Central feature titled “Are you dumb enough to believe this?” Please check back each Friday for the newest edition.