New Fighter to Pit Jesus Vs. Superman*

New Fighter to Pit Jesus Vs. Superman*


Former Cheat CC CEO Arty Hackery is promoting his latest venture, an exciting new game that pits two of the most powerful icons of all time against each other in a fight to the finish.

The two principal characters are Jesus and Superman, a powerful pair of super-humans with super-natural powers. Both characters are playable. Their powers will be cultivated during a series of RPG-like quests at the outset of the game. All abilities will be as true to the documented attributes as possible, sourcing both the Bible and DC comic books. According to Hackery the most fun will be taking one of your favorite two characters online in the verses mode to do battle.

As far as powers go, Superman’s abilities include flying, bending steel, X-ray vision and heat vision. Jesus can perform miracles such as walking on water, making the blind see, turning water into wine, ascending into heaven and rising from the dead. Both characters are formidable. Who will win in the ultimate battle?

“The idea came to me when I overheard some kids talking about it in Wal-Mart,” says Hackery. “It was obvious that one of the kids is religious and the other one is into comic books. They were arguing which hero was stronger than the other. The one kid said that all Jesus had to do was punch Superman in the face and he would be a goner. The other kid said that Jesus wouldn’t do that because he’s supposed to be nice. So I got to thinking,” Hackery schemes, “What if you really pissed Jesus off? There’s got to be a way to make him cross.”

“When you really get down to it,” claims Hackery, “They are quite evenly matched. Personally I wouldn’t want to meet either one of them in a dark alley. The outcome of the fight is based on how well you play, but this isn’t some cheap button-masher, you’re going to have to use a lot of strategy. Superman’s weakness is kryptonite, and so it was only fair that we had to invent a weakness for Jesus. So in this game he’s afraid of snakes. Just thought it was fitting as the snake figures so prominently into religious dogma with that whole Adam and Eve thing. Also, there’s a scene in which Jesus is traveling by plane and it’s filled with snakes. Kind of like that movie. Needless to say Jesus is powerless and can’t get those #$%&*ing snakes off that !*+$%^ing plane,” chortles Hackery.

Hackery suspects the usual groups and organizations will start a bunch of protests, but he’s quick to add that it’s all free publicity for the game.

“You just know were going to hear from the Pope, DC Comics, the NAACP, and Larry the Cable Guy,” Hackery sighs in exasperation. “But I think a few free games ought to lift their spirits. It’s a hell of a good game. All I’ve got to say is this is going to be the biggest fight in history. Amen.”

*This article is presented as an exclusive Cheat Code Central feature titled “Are you dumb enough to believe this?” Please check back each Friday for the newest edition.

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