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In Japan, it’s war. Corporate Japan has for years been engaged in a bloodless battle to the death where there can only be one winner. After the dust has settled and the last glass of sake has been toasted, Nintendo has emerged as the ultimate winner. Through careful and clandestine manipulation of the stock market, Nintendo was able to acquire controlling shares in two of Japan’s largest corporations, Sony and Yamaha. With the acquisition of these companies and their products, Nintendo plans to rule Japan, then of course, the rest of the world. Sony has long been a rival in the gaming industry, but a few short years ago, Nintendo outmaneuvered Sony by focusing their games and gaming systems on pleasure seekers, not hardcore gamers. This gave Nintendo a huge market share, and as a result, Nintendo eclipsed Sony. Over the following years, Nintendo has been secretly acquiring Sony stock under different aliases. Nintendo now has controlling shares of Sony. David has defeated Goliath. Not content with one giant, Nintendo set it sites on Yamaha, a company that has no gaming division but manufactures a diverse range of products including electronics, musical instruments, and pleasure vehicles. Since the company began manufacturing playing cards more than three-hundred years ago, Nintendo admits they have always wanted to corner the market on fun and leisure products. “What we plan to do now is very symbolic of the victors of a war,” explains Nintendo’s minister of propaganda Lee Fat Yunk. “All department heads and managers of Sony and Yamaha will be marched naked through the streets of Tokyo with bags over their heads. That’s if they want to collect their severance pay or pensions,” Yunk laughs. “We will keep the employees from these companies, but their only function will be to act as slaves or drones to the elite Nintendo staff. These pathetic peasants will serve coffee and tea and clean desks and shoes,” Yunk maintains, “And they will also be forced to do things in darkened rooms that I cannot disclose at this time.” Of course, Nintendo will be developing a game based on these takeovers. Yunk adds that Yamaha’s lines of motorcycles, snowmobiles, and boats will come in handy for invading the rest of the world, which is scheduled to take place in the next fiscal quarter. *This article is presented as an exclusive Cheat Code Central feature titled “Are you dumb enough to believe this?” Please check back each Friday for the newest edition. |