Former CCC CEO Buys Nintendo*

Former CCC CEO Buys Nintendo*


Former Cheat Code Central CEO, Arty Hackery, claims that over the weekend he will have finalized a deal that would see him the sole owner of Nintendo. According to sources, the megalithic Japanese corporation that started out manufacturing and selling playing cards more than 100 years is about to become an all-American acquisition.

The exact value of Nintendo has not been disclosed, and details of the buyout are sketchy at best, but it has been reported that all current employees and projects will remain with the organization. It’s reported that it will be business as usual for Nintendo, although it’s possible the name might be American-ized to McTendo.

Wall Street and the rest of the world stock markets have been slow to respond to the news, with very little change in share prices. Analysts cite the lack of market fluctuation on what they call “bull$#!+.”

“They can say what they want,” says former CCC CEO Arty Hackery, “But I am going to be the new owner of Nintendo – period. People used to laugh with me, but now they are going to laugh at me,” he says.

During a recent trip to New York, Hackery spotted a tiny ad in the classified section that mentioned the sale of a huge corporation. “Obviously I was interested to see what it was and how much they were asking,” Hackery explains. “When I found out that it was Nintendo and they were asking around seventeen hundred dollars, I was floored. Usually a company like that sells for three or four times that amount. It makes sense they would advertise in a tiny ad since they don’t want a lot of publicity on something as big as this.”

Hackery claims that he met with the seller in a local New York eatery called, Bill’s Foods. “It was there that we consummated the deal,” Hackery admits. “Actually, I signed the papers in the restaurant, but I had to give him the money in back alley. It was strictly a cash deal, but I do have the receipt with me. After that we went bowling, had a few drinks, and then the salesman shook my hand and left for downtown Manhattan on his skateboard.”

A spokesman for Nintendo said that he had not heard of this deal and as far as he was concerned, Nintendo has and always will be a Japanese company. Examination of the sales receipt identifies the seller as P.P. Pooper of no-fixed address. The telephone number is that of the local Salvation Army. When questioned about these obvious oversights, Hackery responded by pretending to shave his beard while singing Waterloo by ABBA. After a long, uncomfortable and embarrassing silence, Hackery looked at his watch and ran around the corner and down the street.

*This article is presented as an exclusive Cheat Code Central feature titled “Are you dumb enough to believe this?” Please check back each Friday for the newest edition.

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