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The only way you can play the upcoming e-Vampire game is with electricity, but not ordinary electricity. You are an electronic vampire. You need human-generated electricity to power the game. Using razor sharp, needle-like, body piercing electrodes, you must suck the electricity from your victims’ body—in real life. If you do it right, they won’t even know, and you’re good to go. Hyped as “Castlevania on steroids,” e-Vampire incorporates elements of RPG, action adventure, horror survival, shooter, platforming, and simulation. The simulated realism of electronic vampirism will appeal to those curious about the Goth and Vampire lifestyles. The developers claim the game is dangerously addicting. Once bitten, you will fall under its spell. Not without its controversy, e-Vampire is a huge hit in Eastern European countries where human rights violations are not strictly enforced. The game has applied for, and received, self-defense status in North America, citing the non-lethal Taser as an example. A pair of tiny, surgically sharp fang darts tethered to the PSP act as the collecting agent for human electricity. These fang darts are inserted into a person’s body in strategic areas. This electricity is then sent to the PSP where it is used to power the game. Failure to replenish the energy within 24 hours results in a one-week game suspension. The human body is capable of generating more than ten thousands watts of electricity in an hour. As muscles are exercised, the current, voltage, and wattage are increased exponentially. Therefore it’s advisable to find victims that are active. Due to the razor-sharp fang darts, a victim may be totally unaware of the predatory electronic proboscis as they enter the dermal layer of skin. Oddly enough, the buttocks generates the most electricity, since the gluteus maximus is one of the largest and most powerful muscles in the body. It’s also the least sensitive to pain. However, most self-respecting e-Vampires would be horrified at such an undignified e-feeding. Therefore the neck and shoulder area are the most coveted of targets. While the upper body area generates incredibly less electricity, bragging rights play an important role in e-Vampire. An e-photo is taken of all e-feedings and instantly uploaded to the e-Vampire website. The player with the most neck e-feedings each month will win a customized coffin designed for sleeping in. e-Vampire is set to be released early next year. The developers purposely avoided a Halloween release to avoid any novelty associations. The developers are so serious about e-Vampire that all players must sign a consent form, in blood, before the game can be activated. Edison might be turning over in his grave, if he’s not already an e-Vampire himself. By Cole Smith |