Gaming on the Brain a Public Hazard*

Gaming on the Brain a Public Hazard*


The Mind Police are on their way from the future. They will arrive much sooner than you think – and it’s all about what you think.

As of this year, it’s become illegal in many states and provinces to operate a cell phone while driving. Research has shown that it’s not the act of operation of the device that is dangerous so much as it is the attention required to engage in conversation, attention that is diverted from driving. It’s a proven fact that accidents are caused by distracted drivers. During this research, scientists have also discovered that certain thoughts can also distract drivers to an even greater extent than a cell phone. And the most dangerous thoughts of all? Thoughts about video games.

We all know that video games can be addictive. To many gamers it’s a way of life. Thoughts of games can consume our entire consciousness, day and night, as we try to solve difficult gaming situations and puzzles in our mind. Apparently, the worst place you can think about gaming is in your vehicle, behind the wheel. But, how could you ever get caught?

Lead researcher Arch Festy says that game-related, puzzle-solving thoughts produce large and unique brainwave activity, causing both right and left hemisphere to synchronize. When both hemispheres of the brain are in sync they cause brainwaves to double in amplitude. This large Alpha-Beta wave generates a strong electromagnetic field that can be detected with a sensitive magnetic field resonance analyzer. Festy claims that these units are relatively small and inexpensive to build, and can detect Alpha-Beta waves up to a range of 1,000 feet. This could make them compatible with radar detectors as part of a traffic officers’ arsenal to make roads safer.

Evidence outlining the dangers that gamers “lost in thought” pose is being presented to congress, where it’s being taken seriously by lawmakers. Tests are still being conducted, and so far the device has worked flawlessly. It’s proposed a system will be in place within two years to detect and punish drivers of such “thought crimes” with fines ranging from several hundred dollars to imprisonment for serial offenders. So how does one keep these thoughts under control?

“We’ve discovered that listening to accordion music sufficiently deadens brainwave activity,” Festy explains. “You won’t have to listen to it forever, just for a few months to train your brain not to think so hard. Cars will have built-in wave detectors to warn drivers when they are releasing Alpha-Beta waves, at which time you just pop in some polka tunes and stop thinking,” Festy concludes.

*This article is presented as an exclusive Cheat Code Central feature titled “Are you dumb enough to believe this?” Please check back each Friday for the newest edition.

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