None
If you’ve ever been to a fair or carnival, you’ve seen the Whac-A-Mole game where contestants use a hammer to smash plastic rodents when they pop their heads out of a hole. A self-professed crazy professor has invented what he is calling the most realistic, computerized version of the game. Weasel Smacking Time is not actually a computer game, although it does use computers. It also uses real rodents; in this case weasels. The game looks similar in design to the actual carnival version, but instead of fake mallets, players hit the real weasels on the head with real laptop computers. “We only use real laptops and real weasels,” says inventor Riley Charles Nelson. “We want to give players a true sense of realism and danger. The weasels pop their heads out of the hole because they’re hungry, and they see the player as a meal. So, you’ve got to be quick about smacking them, otherwise they’ll rip your flesh. Sometimes we can’t find enough weasels in a particular town so we’ll use rats. Same difference. And the laptops? Well they’re mostly Toshibas loaded with Vista, so they’re useless to begin with. We get them at a good price,” Nelson claims. “It’s much more fun to smack a real weasel with a real crappy laptop. You can even bring your own laptop if you think it deserves a beating.” Animal activist groups are attempting to ban Weasel Smacking Time from certain states with the exception of Alaska , which most people forget about anyway. These groups claim the game is cruel and unusual, and if those two words are used to describe anything, it cannot be legal. Nelson says that he’s demonstrated his game to many animal rights activists and all of them have enjoyed it. “After a few minutes of smacking weasels with laptops, you can see the look of joy and wonderment on their face,” Nelson says. “In no time, these hippie-freak activists are screaming for blood. They’re laughing and having the time of their lives, that is until they let their guard down and a weasel gets a hold of their jugular,” Nelson chuckles. “Let’s make one thing clear,” exclaims a Greenpeace activist that wishes to remain anonymous. “We were pretending to enjoy the game because that crazy weasel killer had a gun trained on us the whole time. He said it was just to keep the weasels from killing us, but it sure as hell wasn’t pointed at the weasels. I would strap myself to a whaling vessel to stop the slaughter of blue and beluga whales, but I’m not about to take a face full of buckshot for a damned weasel,” claims the anonymous fella. “We ended up buying two of the gaming booths from him, purely in the interest of research.” Watch for Weasel Smacking Time coming to a fair near you this summer, except that place where Sarah Palin is from. *This article is presented as an exclusive Cheat Code Central feature titled “Are you dumb enough to believe this?” Please check back each Friday for the newest edition. |