The Arty Party*

Arty Hackery’s Retro Disco Party Fun Time Game, or the Arty Party for short, is an action adventure game featuring elements of karaoke, dance rhythm, and horror survival. It’s the tale of a man, the way he thought he was back in the day. This is your chance to live the life he lived, but didn’t, except for the awful parts. Arty’s recollection of those days is rather skewed, if not entirely tragically erroneous. The reasons will be quite apparent when you read what he has to say in the following paragraph.

“There’s no doubt clubbing in the seventies was an amazing time, so I’ve been told,” laments Hackery. “Despite the suggestion of the game’s title, it wasn’t all fun and games. There were drunken bullies to deal with, rude bouncers that wouldn’t let you in if you weren’t good looking enough, haircut issues, and snooty women that wouldn’t let you touch their bottoms. But with my Retro Disco Party Fun Time Game, we can be the winner we’ve always dreamed about. All this, while looking cool dancing around your living room to the sounds of Helen Reddy and Olivia Newton John. My favorite song is ‘Monster Mash.’ I know it’s a novelty song, but I like the remix featuring Kriss Kross. I think he’s still alive. That would be ironic if he were dead, since that song is about monsters and stuff, like dead people.”

The object in Arty Party is not so much to score with gals and have a good time as it is to imagine you’ve had a good time. To this end, the game uses a Psychometry Wheel that displays Arty’s interpretation of events and situations and renders them as a display of his mood and overall psychological state. For instance, when Arty is confronted by a bouncer for harassing female patrons, his Psychometry Wheels shows he’s in a great mood. He’s ecstatic that someone is actually coming up to talk to him.

Arty doesn’t care if people are laughing with him or at him. He can’t tell the difference anyway, and as long as they’re laughing, he’s happy. So make him happy and you’ll score big points.

Dancing is one of the best ways to generate points. Making Arty dance is easy; making him dance well is impossible. The more alcohol he consumes, the more difficult he is to control on the dance floor, or wherever he decides to bust a move. The weirder he moves, the more laughs he gets, and the happier he becomes. And that means big points.

All eyes and ears are on Arty when he makes his moves on the fairer sex. With lines such as, “You wouldn’t want to get throw-up on a nice dress like that,” you know you’re going to score tons of points.

“I love this game,” Hackery declares, “Even though I’m not really that fat or stupid, nor is my head the shape of a lentil. But it’s all in good fun, and boy do I love fun. Fun makes me laugh the same way ghosts scare me. But don’t worry, there are no ghosts in the game. But there is a picture of one on the package. I suppose I should have played the game all the way through to make sure there were no ghosts in it. I do not like ghosts at all, they are not fun, and have no business being in my game. It’s not like it’s Arty Hackery’s Retro Disco Halloween Party Fun Time Game. Or is it?”