Virtual Ouija Board On Sale*

Virtual Ouija Board On Sale*


Thinking of raising your spirits? Are you looking for a hell of a time? Then Virtual Ouija Board is the game for you.

Virtual Ouija Board, or VOB, is the latest in a series of classic board games adapted into video games. But developers, Omni6 says that VOB is not a game or toy. According to the company, VOB is an unearthly tool used to communicate with departed spirits. It’s the key to the gateway of the supernatural realm.

Virtual Ouija Board has five different editions: Comedians; Serial Killers; Past Lives; Famous Historical Figures, and Plumbers. Parker Bros. spokesman, Len DaHahnd says that for obvious reasons the Plumbers edition isn’t one of the company’s bestsellers. “We have some issues with that edition. The producer of that game was summarily fired. Shortly thereafter he committed suicide and can now be contacted through the Plumbers edition of VOB, since he was in fact, a plumber in another life,” says DaHahnd.

VOB is no ordinary board game. Any similarities to Monopoly are purely coincidental and insane. VOB starts out as a solitary pursuit, but within moments the player will make contact with a spirit from the netherworld. The famous Ouija board layout is replicated onscreen. A cursor being controlled by the participating spirit points to the series of numbers and letters in an effort to spell things out and thus communicate. But VOB goes beyond the beyond by allowing these visitors to simply type their responses or speak them through a voice synthesizer that sounds similar to Steven Hawking. “It’s really quite eerie to hear that voice say something like, “Don’t look behind you,” confesses DaHahnd.

Some players have reported experiencing poltergeist activity in their homes as a result of playing VOB, while others have reported succumbing to nervous breakdowns and other mental illnesses. In extreme cases, deaths have been attributed to VOB but Parker Bros. claims that more people die from eating McDonalds than from playing their harmless games.

“The Serial Killer edition is selling like hot cakes,” DaHahnd gloats. “You can talk to everyone from Jack the Ripper to Jeffrey Dahmer. “From what we’ve heard, these guys aren’t very happy with the afterlife. Everyone they run into are already dead. I guess it’s really frustrating to have a hobby or profession that you’re restricted from participating in.”

DaHahnd says that the Comedians edition is more popular with the over-50 crowd. He says that a lot of dead comedians are old-school and that kids expect more gross-out jokes than pies in the face. “Can you imagine the horror of winding up with Jerry Lewis when you’re expecting Andrew Dice Clay? That’s enough to give kids nightmares for the rest of their lives. And even though it’s just been explained to me during that last sentence that Jerry Lewis isn’t dead, I would have to say, he might as well be,” DaHahnd concludes.

VOB is available wherever weird things like Sea Monkeys and X-Ray Specs are sold.

*This article is presented as an exclusive

Cheat Code Central feature titled “Are you dumb enough to believe this?” Please check back each Friday for the newest edition.

To top