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The Mayans claim our world will end this year. But just in case they’re wrong, you can do your part to ensure the destruction of our plant with D.O.W.N.: Destroy Our World Now. All you need is a computer or video game system and a copy of the D.O.W.N. software package. Can video gamers make a difference? Can they really change the world? If you call destroying it changing it, then the answer is a resounding, enthusiastic, high-fiving “hell yes!” Don’t be a passive slug. Give your life some meaning. Make your mark on the world by helping to bring it to an end. D.O.W.N. will make you into a somebody. Who cares if there’s no one around to acknowledge your greatness at the end of days? You’ll know in your heart you made a difference. Here’s how D.O.W.N. works: A copy of the software is loaded into your gaming system. It can be a PC, console, or handheld. The D.O.W.N. system includes a special power bar peripheral in which to plug a multitude of high-powered, electrical devices such as fridges, heaters, tools, and appliances. You can purchase more of these power bars if you want to connect more electrical devices. On December the twelfth, at exactly twelve seconds after twelve minutes after noon, the software will cause the power bar to rapidly toggle the power supply on and off for one complete hour. This toggling effect will synch with other D.O.W.N. systems throughout the world, creating a massive electrical pulse on the worlds’ power grid. The resulting surges will weaken and eventually overload transformers on the grid, and ultimately destroy it beyond repair. The shutdown of the entire grid system in winter weather will create a chain of events leading to the extinction of mankind as all essential services and products such as healthcare, water distribution, heat, gas, energy, transportation, and communications are eradicated. “All we need are a hundred thousand participants and it’s all over,” says head developer Blax Ops. “We’re doing this for the hell of it. We’re doing it simply because we can, and we think it’s going to be a lot of fun to participate in. We’ve already got more than fifty thousand gamers interested, so we’re about half way there. We’ve still got plenty of time for more people to jump on board. I can assure you that the last thing you’re going to see on your digital clock is 12/12/12, 12:12:12.” A leading energy expert offer some sobering news. “We have done some preliminary investigation into this D.O.W.N. system, and it’s a very real threat. A few million kilowatts of oscillating power through the grid will have a huge impact on our infrastructure. And one of the most terrifying revelations we have uncovered is that Blax Op is of Mayan descent. May God help us all.” D.O.W.N. will be available this Fall at Walmart, Target, and Piggly Wiggly. By Cole Smith |