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New hardware for the next-gen consoles will have you looking right through other people – and yourself as well. Called the XXXRay, available for the PS3 and X360, it will allow users to see things they’ve never seen before – such as themselves. It works exactly like an X-ray machine but only much more powerful and compact. X-ray machines used to be quite the rage back in the 40s. They were as plentiful as penny arcade games with many on display in shoe stores so that patrons could see exactly how their shoe fits, right down to the toe bone. What they didn’t factor in at the time was the deadly amounts of radiation that people were accumulating using such devices. Although the XXXRay does emit radiation, new developments in science assure that the doses are less than that of a standard television set. “It’s our intention to allow people to become fascinated with the unseen world around them, especially that of the human body,” explains inventor Bertle P. Shim. “Using the device similarly to an Eye Toy, gamers will be able to see various aspects of their interiors on the television monitor, in real time motion. It’s fun to look at bones, but the real treat is watching the entire digestive process from beginning to end,” says Shim. “First we watch the food being chewed and directed down the pipe into the stomach. Here we watch the acids attack it and break it down into various components of liquids, gases, and solids. After that it’s the extrication process. It may seem gross at first, but I can assure you it’s lots of fun to watch. My family likes to play “Find the Corn.” In a meatloaf, a single, bright, yellow kernel of corn is baked inside. We all eat it blindfolded. Then we all takes bets on who ate it. Using the XXXRay is the safest, easiest, and most fun method of determining who ate the corn. We advise people to come up with their own games, and we also include a booklets outlining hundreds of fun games that can be played with the XXXRay,” Shim adds. Attenuating the power output allows for another, possibly more unique aspect of the system, one that contributes to the triple X moniker. “By cutting the power, we will no longer be able to see through human skin, but it will allow you to see through clothes,” explains Shim. “It’s just the like X-Ray glasses you see in the comics, only this really works,” he says. “We anticipate a lot of sales based exclusively on this feature. The power is entirely adjustable so that you can see through not only clothes, but walls as well. There are no barriers whatsoever. It will take some time to dial in the right power levels, but when all you see of a pretty girl are her intestines, you’ll quickly learn how to adjust it,” laughs Shim. A spokesperson for International Affairs is concerned that if a third-world country purchases a few hundred thousands of these units they might have enough plutonium for a nuclear bomb. When asked about this potential threat Shim replied, “These countries could also buy all of the palm trees in the world, and leave us never being able to enjoy a coconut ever again.” *This article is presented as an exclusive Cheat Code Central feature titled “Are you dumb enough to believe this?” Please check back each Friday for the newest edition. |