It seems like sexism, feminism and blah blah blah is all the rage in the gaming world these days. And far be it from us to stay out of the loop. So we decided to take sex by the horns and ride it… um, you know what? Never mind. Let’s just get to the part about how sex sells games and how there are several games throughout history that have either relied on or were sold solely for their boob-laden content. What follows is a list of some of the top-selling boob-fired sales winners.
The Guy Game
Top Heavy Studios’ (appropriate, huh?) only title to release was seriously marketed solely on its high boob content. It’s a trivia game at its core, so it’s not really all that fun to begin with. But as you progress through each quiz, you get to watch young co-eds strip away their clothing until they are fully nude. Now initially, the nudity is obscured from view until you continue to play through the game to achieve higher levels of play and harder quizzes. As you progress through these even more benign groups of questions, the girls slowly become more in focus until the full, uncut, uncensored footage is available for your viewing enjoyment.
Atlus’ deranged puzzler/platformer was marketed almost exclusively on its sexual content. And while there is plenty of it to go around, the game is actually a fun and very difficult game to play. So the line between sex-marketing and good gameplay is met in equal volume here. But sadly, the truth is that many people shied away from playing this game due to its overtly sexual marketing campaign. But play on players, Catherine does get fully nude but (spoiler alert) you’ll never get to see the top of the mountain. Her naughty parts remained covered at all times.
Dead or Alive: Beach Volleyball
This game, though surprisingly good at what it was, was sold entirely on the boob factor. So much so that they actually dedicated a huge portion of their dev team to study booby physics. The measured how boobies move, bounce, roll and whatever else they do while a scantily clad woman plays beach volleyball. So I feel like if that’s what Team Ninja was going for, accurate boob physics, they nailed it. They even made a game that was actually fun to play in the process.
Playboy: The Mansion
I feel like explaining this is a totally moot point, but for the sake of having something to put in this slot, here we go. This game basically lets you be Hugh Hefner. You get to run the mansion and see the fruits of your labor in all its glory. You get to actually make choices concerning the monthly magazine. You also get to mess around with the playmates who are basically no challenge at all. But then again, you’re Hef. Why would they be? Sadly, this game doesn’t have much in the way of real gameplay to offer anyone looking for something they can actually suffer through to see the boobies. It’s honestly pretty lame. Kind of a shocker that Hef would let such a sad version of himself be put out to the masses.
The name says it all, right? Wrong. Sure, it’s a game about girls that fight each other, and they are wearing next to nothing while they pummel the crap out of each other. But the only fight left in me after playing this turd of a game was the fight it took me to delete it off my hard drive after getting completely pissed off at how bad it was. Seriously, I would rather play an all-night fight-a-thon with Clay Fighters than wade through this crap again. But it has boobs you say? Yeah. It has glued-on, unmoving boobs that look just as fake as this game’s attempt at…well…being a game.
Ok, before you get upset– Bayonetta is actually a good game. Both iterations are, actually…if not totally frustrating in their level of difficulty. Be that as it may, these games are marketed heavily on their sex appeal, of which there is plenty. Not only is the protagonist clad in what appears to be tight-fitting leather, it’s actually her own hair that becomes a weapon of great power. But as you level this furry beast up, it clothes you less and less as you use it to attack, making it all the more important to perv-ish gamers to continue playing so they can see what lies beneath. But beneath all the hefty innuendo and all-out sexiness, there’s actually a fun game to play in there as well.
You didn’t think that Juliet Starling was going to miss out on being listed here, did you? Her game is seriously nothing but a grinding excuse to get her nearly naked. But the ability to manipulate the cameras in provocative ways added so much to the gameplay. Not really. Sadly, that was really one of the best parts of the games. Well, her parts were the best, actually. Anyway, it was a mediocre hack-and-slash title with a lackluster plot, sprinkled with some mildly clever smart-assery. But, Juliet is a cutie, so we’re willing to forgive the fact that it really wasn’t all that awesome.
Fear Effect 2: Retro Helix
As if Fear Effect wasn’t sold on sex enough, they went and made a sequel that brought in Hana Tsu Vachel’s lesbian lover, Rain Qin. Don’t get me wrong, the game is every bit as awesome as the first and I don’t mean that in a sarcastic way. Both games are actually very good both in story and gameplay… for PSOne games. But in all seriousness, I wouldn’t have even picked up the first title had it not been for the sensual cover. I bought the second game out of sheer delight after playing the first game, which has some provocative scenes, but nothing like the games of today. It mixes cyber-punk with ancient Chinese mythology and does a good job at it, but the lesbian sex and gratuitous nudity is just icing on the cake.
This game was absolutely one of the worst Tony Hawk Pro Skater rip-off titles ever made. The only thing that made it even tolerable, and only on Gamecube, was the exotic dancers of the Score Gentlemen’s Club franchise that rocked out some seriously sexy strip teases as you completed the game’s horribly bad levels. Or, if you were a sneaky bastard like me, you got online and found the cheat codes that unlocked all the dancers’ video clips without having to play through this steaming pile of trash. I mean it when I say that this game was in no way, shape or form a fun game. Get on Google, find the cheat codes, and enjoy the show.
Never heard of it? There’s a very good reason for that. It’s terrible! It was only released in Japan but if you’re feeling brave enough, you can get it for the Sega Saturn. But be warned, it’s nothing but an entire game of you playing rock, paper, scissors with women who look like they would rather be shot in the head than being in the game. But as you may have guessed, the dance to awkward music and strip for you as you continue to win the series’ of games. The girl scenes are video capture that have all the quality and style of a crappy seventies porno, but the actual gameplay scenes have all the graphical content of a game from super Nintendo or possibly even worse. But no matter what, the only real feelings you should have about this game is sorrow for the women who were subjected to being in this terrible, terrible game.